Joke an Lae

A man walks into a bar and orders three beers.

The bartender brings him the three beers, and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third, until they’re gone.

He then orders three more and the bartender says, “Sir, I know you like them cold, so you can start with one, and I’ll bring you a fresh one as soon as you’re low.”

The man says, “You don’t understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the Ireland. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night, we’d still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three beers, too, and we’re drinking together.”

The bartender thinks it’s a wonderful tradition, and every week he sets up the guy’s three beers. Then one week, the man comes in and orders only two. He drinks them and then orders two more. The bartender says sadly, “Knowing your tradition, I’d just like to just say that I’m sorry you’ve lost one of your brothers.”

The man replies, “Oh, my brothers are fine — I just quit drinking.”

Woods to Play the Frys

Tiger Woods has signed on to play in the Frys.com Open in October. So why this tournament? It’s not exactly a first tier event. Was it just on a whim? Not at all.

A lot of the credit has gone to Duke Butler, president of the event, but Woods’ decision to play at the Frys.com Open is not solely the doing of Butler. John Fry’s commitment to the tournaments excellence played a major role. Butler has, however had a decent relationship with Tiger’s agent Mark Steinberg since 2007.

In 2010, the day before the U.S. at Pebble Beach, Butler picked up Steinberg & drove him up to San Martin him a tour of CordeValle, home of the Frys. Steinberg was introduced to John Fry. He was impressed.

It appears the event is sold out. Bet that’s never happened before.

I guess Tiger’s still has the Mojo to draw a serious crowd.

Joke van de Dag

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they laid down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

“Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

Watson replied, “I see millions and millions of stars.”

“What does that tell you?”

Watson pondered for a minute.

“Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?”

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. “It tells me that someone has stolen our tent.”

0 Jobs??

Hey Hey Ho Ho, we don’t need no jobs no mo! Everybody chant!

Yes the monthly jobs report was released today. We added 0 jobs. Awesome! It’s the end of another recovery summer.

And, oh by the way, the change in total nonfarm payroll employment for June was revised down again (the way it always is) from +46,000 to +20,000, and the change for July was revised from +117,000 to +85,000. I’m sure the experts were surprised.

The economy expanded at an annual pace of only 0.7 percent in the first six months of the year. That was the slowest six months of growth since the recession officially ended in June 2009. Oh, it ended? Most economists forecast that growth may improve to about a 2 percent annual rate in the July-September quarter. But that’s not fast enough to generate many jobs. Are these the same economists that predict the jobs number every month? They’ve yet to get close. Back to jobs, or no jobs.
Hiring fell across many different sectors. Manufacturers cut 3,000 jobs. Construction companies, retailers, and transportation firms also cut workers.
Yet the unemployment rate is still at 9.1%, which we all know is a lie. There are accounting gimmicks at play here. Shocking, I know.
Very simply the government accountants magically shrink the workforce. One gimmick is the Employment-Population Ratio. It is a statistic that takes the ratio of the total working age of the labor force currently employed to the total working age population of a region, municipality or country. The employment ratio is subject to manipulation and may be skewed in order to give the perception that an economy, based on this metric, is performing better then it really is.
The other is the workforce Participation Rate. It’s a measure of the active portion of an economy’s labor force. The participation rate refers to the number of people who are either employed or are actively looking for work. The number of people who are no longer actively searching for work would not be included in the participation rate. In a poor economy many people get discouraged and stop looking for employment, as a result, the participation rate decreases.

By merely eliminating people from these formulas it keeps the unemployment rate down. Just like magic. I feel better, but then, I have a job.

HuffPo is Coloured Blind

Huffpost headline today read, Glenn Beck: Term ‘Colored’ Is ‘Not A Bad Thing,’ ‘African American’ Is ‘Ridiculously Stupid’.

Oh my goodness. What a racist Beck is. I always knew it. This just proves it. Is that what we’re suppose to think now?

Funny, but I thought when you quote someone it goes; Quote, full sentence, close Quote. Oh yeah, it does, unless the author, Katherine Fung was trying to take several different quotes & piece them together to achieve the indictment she desired. That couldn’t have been the HuffPo’s motivation, could it? Damn straight it was!

Well, I heard the whole exchange & if one bothered to listen to it before reporting on it, one would understand how funny it was in it’s absurdity. Beck & Gray were broadcasting from South Africa the day following his final “Restoring Courage” event.

Glenn actually said, “Pat, correct me if I’m wrong, didn’t you feel ridiculously stupid everywhere in Africa, in Europe, in South America, in Jerusalem, when you would say the words African-American?”

Pat: “Oh, yeah. Because it doesn’t apply there.”

Stu: “Such a great point: What are you supposed to say? What is the acceptable term?”

Glenn goes on to say that it’s either black or colored. He (Beck) didn’t coin those terms. Those are the descriptives used in South Africa & not just by whites, but everyone. So, I guess they’re all rascists.

I happen to agree. That would sound awefully silly outside the United States. I think it sounds ridiculous inside the U.S. as well, but I already did a piece on the Hyphenated American.

As an aside, the next time someone calls themselves an African-American, ask from where in Africa they hail.

Joke du Jour

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck’s driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what’s so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, “When you weren’t looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!”

They Came for Me

Most everyone recalls Martin Niemoller’s original saying regarding the Nazi takeover.

First they came for the communists, and I did not speak out–
because I was not a communist;
Then they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out–
because I was not a socialist;
Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out–
because I was not a trade unionist;
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out–
because I was not a Jew;
Then they came for me–
and there was no one left to speak out for me.

Few, however, recall that the Nazi Party didn’t come to prominence with goon squads & force. That came later, when there was no one left to speak out. Early on the Nazis & communists worked together against the Bourgeois. The red in the Nazi flag was a tip of the cap, as it were, to communists, as if to say, “Come join us, we’re just like you”. It wasn’t until the Nazi party took over that they started the “join or die” platform. You know – like ISIS.

Well, it’s happening again. The Arab Spring, European unrest, riots, flash mobs. The Union rallies & protests. The rampant expansion of anti-Semitism. Communists are suddenly coming out of the woodwork. Egypt has a Nazi party. Radical Islam is taking over the Middle East and Africa.

Now, granted, there appears to be more factions involved this time vying for supremacy. Not true. It’s the same old same old. If we don’t stand up & speak out, one of these factions, or a conglomeration of several, will become powerful enough to cause real problems.

They are coming for the Rich. They are coming for the corporations. They come for the religious. They come for the Tea Party. They organize the organized (unions). They organize the disorganized (flash mobs). They threaten to shut us down until they get their way.

I predict this will not end well. You, I, everyone, will have to choose sides. Choose the light or choose the dark side. It may not seem like the dark side now, but as it manifests itself, even the blind will be able to see it. I hope I’m wrong about all of this but I fear I’m not.