Two completely Unrelated Al Qaeda Stories

by: the Common Constitutionalist


So it looks like we’re not going to war. Darn it! It was the perfect distraction. No one has been concentrating on the myriad of domestic scandals and who would call for the head of a wartime president?


But his own Secretary of State, Lurch Kerry, foiled Obama.


So what will we do? The next best thing – arm al Qaeda, the terrorists, the rebels. Not that we haven’t been for more than a year now, but who’s counting.


Yet fear not. The administration only plans to arm the rebel factions that have been “vetted”. Feel better now? Me neither. Are those who vet the rebels the same bunch that backed Mohammed Morsi in Egypt?


So (more) shipments of small arms and ammo will be flowing into Syria.


I hope they aren’t those scary “assault weapons”? On the other hand, it might be a good thing and may end the war sooner. How so? Assad’s army will take one look at the rebel’s new weapons and run away. “Look Habib, they have those scary black guns with pistol grips! Run away! Someone call Mayor Bloomberg!”


Some former intelligence officers have confirmed that it’s not just small arms. They will also be provided with antitank weapons, RPG’s, advanced communications equipment, combat med kits and MRE’s.


Again – fear not. There is no chance of al-Nusra or other al-Qaeda terrorists ending up with our weaponry and communications gear to use against us. That will never happen! The administration has assured us.


On a completely unrelated topic, Ayman al-Zawahiri the head cheese of al- Qaeda has announced a plan to attack America. The plan is for small, sustained attacks that will “bleed America economically”.


Not that he would be averse to a “large strike” if the opportunity presents itself. I guess he wants to keep his options open.

Zawahiri, as you recall, was bin Laden’s right-hand man and the brains behind both the 9/11 attacks and the London attack in 2005.


He said: “We should bleed America economically by provoking it to continue in its massive expenditure on its security, for the weak point of America is its economy, which is already begun to stagger due to the military and security expenditure.” Funny – he didn’t mention Obamacare.


Zawahiri spoke glowingly of the Boston Marathon attack and added whether it be “by one brother or a few of the brothers” and “the Boston incident confirms to the Americans… that they are not facing individuals, organizations or groups, but they are facing an uprising Ummah (Muslim community), that rose in jihad to defend its sole, dignity and capabilities.”


He said that attacks “here and there” would keep America in a constant state of tension. You mean like the Israelis that American politicians are always telling to calm down? Like that?


So there you go. Two completely unrelated stories that just happened to coincide with one another. Weird. There is no way any of those American provided arms will ever find their way back here or use to kill our citizens overseas. How dare I even suggest such a thing.