An old Native American chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a Ceremonial pipe and eyeing two government officials sent to interview him.
“Chief Two Eagles” said one official, “You have observed the white man for over 75 years. You’ve seen his wars and his technological advances. You’ve seen his progress and the damage he’s done.”
One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift for his wife. The shop owner suggested a parrot, named Chet, which could sing Christmas carols. This seemed like the perfect gift.
“How do I get him to sing?” the young man asked excitedly.
“Simply hold a lighted match directly under his feet,” was the shop owner’s reply.
The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early
retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for
retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line
between any two points in his body. The officer got to choose what those
two points would be.