A lady was complaining to her husband about remodeling her kitchen. “You
have been telling me you were going to get me new cabinets for ten
years!” said the wife.
“They are a luxury and the ones we have are fine.” the husband replied. read more
An art connoisseur passed a little grocery store in New York when he
noticed a kitten on the front step lapping up some milk in a bowl. The
cat was mangy with one ear half chewed off and clumps of fur missing.
What really caught the collectors eye was the bowl the kitten was
drinking from. It was a rare antique worth thousands. He walks in the
store and offers $20 for the cat.
“He’s not for sale,” says the store owner.
“That’s ridiculous!” says the collector. read more
Three guys are convicted of a very serious crime, and they’re all sentenced to twenty years in solitary confinement. They’re each allowed one thing to bring into the cell with them.
The first guy asks for a big stack of books.
The second guy asks for his wife. read more
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services when she was startled by an intruder.
She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, “Stop! Acts 2:38. (Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.) read more
My sister decided to go on a diet, and that first evening she phoned me.
I could tell her mouth was full, so I asked her what she was eating. read more
The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how, after the worship service, he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the
church building.
Therefore, he was slightly annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. read more
A man was walking on the beach one day and he found a bottle half buried in the sand. He decided to open it.
Inside was a genie. The genie said,” I will grant you three wishes and three wishes only.” read more
A helicopter carrying passengers suddenly loses engine power and the aircraft begins to descend.
The pilot safely performs an emergency landing in water, and tells the passengers to remain seated and to keep the doors closed, stating that in emergency situations, the aircraft is designed to stay afloat for 30 minutes, giving rescuers time to get to them. read more
Positive Attitude!
After his plane was hit and he was forced to eject, the Marine Corps fighter pilot finally regained consciousness.
He was in a hospital, in a lot of pain.
He found himself in the ICU with tubes and IV drips in both arms, a breathing mask, wires monitoring every function and a nurse hovering over him, looking worried. It was obvious he was in a life-threatening situation. read more
