Tag Archives: Joke of the Day

A businessman was in a great deal of trouble. His business was failing, he had put everything he had into the business and he owed everybody. It was so bad he was even contemplating suicide.

As a last resort he went to a priest and poured out his story of tears and woe. When he had finished, the priest said, “Here’s what I want you to do. Put a beach chair and your Bible in your car and drive down to the beach. Take the beach chair and the Bible to the water’s edge, sit down in the beach chair and put the Bible in your lap. Open the Bible; the wind will rifle the pages, but finally the open Bible will come to rest on a page. Look down at the page and read the first thing you see. That will be your answer, that will tell you what to do.” read more

Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand.

He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?”

She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.” read more

I am passing this on because it worked for me.

A psychologist on TV said that in order to have inner peace in our lives, we should always finish things that we start. read more

Son: “Dad, aren’t you getting ready to office today?”

Dad: “I am working from home today. Get ready soon otherwise you will be late to school.” read more

Little Johnny returned from school and tells his father that he got suspended.
Father: Why? read more

A woman who had been married three times walked into a bridal shop one
day and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for
her fourth wedding.

“Of course, madam,” replied the sales clerk, “exactly what type and
color dress are you looking for?” read more

I was walking home late at night and decided to take a short cut through the cemetery. Three girls walked up to me and explained that they were scared to walk past the cemetery at night, so I agreed to let them walk along with me. I told them, “I understand, I used to get freaked out too when I was alive.” Never seen anyone run so fast.

What did they yell at Edgar Allen Poe right before he walked into a tree?
POETRY! read more

How much does a hipster weigh?
An Instagram.

I’m trying to decide if I should become an athlete or a criminal … so I made a list of pros and cons. read more

A German Shepherd, a Labrador Retriever and a very pampered Bichon Frise all died and stood in front of God at the entrance to the Kingdom of Heaven. God asked all three of them what they believed in.

The Shepherd said, “I believe in discipline, training and loyalty to my owner.”

“Good,” said God, “take a seat on my left side.” read more