Joke of the Day

An elderly mancouple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after  eating,the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.  The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, ‘Last night we went  out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend  it very highly.’

The other man said, ‘What is the name of the restaurant?’

The first man thought and thought and finally said, ‘What is the  name of that flower you give to someone you love?  You know… The one that’s red and has thorns.’

‘Do you mean a rose?’

‘Yes, that’s the one,’ replied the man. He then turned towards the  kitchen and yelled, ‘Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we  went to last night?

Joke of the Day

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft’s electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter’s position. microsoft-seattle

The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward  it,  circled,  and held up a handwritten sign that  said “WHERE AM I?” in large letters.   People in the tall building quickly responded to the  aircraft, drew a large sign, and held  it in a building  window.  Their  sign said “YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER.”

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map,  determined the course to steer to SEATAC  airport, and landed safely.  After they were on the ground, the copilot  asked the pilot how he had done it.

“I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer.”

Joke of the Day

A Sunday school teacher asked the children in her clChickenhawkass, “If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would I get into Heaven?”

“No!” the children all answered.”If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would I get into Heaven?”

Again the answer was “No!”

“Well”, she continued, “then how can I get into Heaven?”

A five-year-old boy shouted out, “You gotta be dead!”

Joke of the Day

chicken-littleOne day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class.

She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer.

She read, “…. and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, “The sky is falling, the sky is falling!”

The teacher paused then asked the class, “And what do you think that farmer said?”

One little girl raised her hand and said, “I think he said: ‘Holy Mackerel! A talking chicken!’

Joke of the Day

bugs kingMany years ago, in the south pacific, there was a small island kingdom that was ruled by a kind and benevolent King.

Each year, on the King’s birthday, the residents of the island gave the King a new throne as token of their love and respect for him.

And each year, the King would put last years gift up in the attic of his small grass house.

After many years of ruling the island, the weight of the large number of birthday presents stored up in the attic became too heavy and caused the house to collapse down on the King.

Moral to the story is: He who lives in grass house, shouldn’t stow thrones.

UGH!

Joke of the Day

A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing. bugs-bunny-tasmanian-devil

The policeman asked for a description.

She said, “He’s 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children.”

The next-door neighbor protested, “Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children.”

The wife replied, “Yes, but who wants HIM back?”

Joke of the Day

A Veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. The doctor asked her all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they been occurring, Bugsetc., when she interrupted him: “Hey look, I’m a vet – I don’t need to ask my patients these kind of questions: I can tell what’s wrong just by looking.”

She smugly added, “Why can’t you?”

The doctor nodded, stood back, looked her up and down, quickly wrote out a prescription, handed it to her and said, “There you are. Of course, if that doesn’t work, we’ll have to have you put to sleep.”

Joke of the Day

Bugs Bunny vulture

As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane.

When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoons.

“Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?” she asked.

“No, thanks,” replied the vultures. “They’re carrion.”

Yeah, it’s  So Bad, it’s funny!

Joke of the Day

krabsAt the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness.

“Isn’t it true,” he bellowed, “that you accepted $5,000 to compromise this case?”

The witness stared out the window as though he hadn’t heard the question.

“Isn’t it true that you accepted $5,000 to compromise this case?” the lawyer repeated.

The witness still did not respond. Finally, the judge leaned over and said: “Sir, please answer the question.”

“Oh,” the startled witness said: “I thought he was talking to you.”

Joke of the Day

A man follows a woman out of a movie theatre. She has a dog on a leash.Dog-movie-theater

He stops her and says, “I’m sorry to bother you, but I couldn’t help but notice that your dog was really into the movie.

He cried at the right spots, he moved nervously in his seat at the boring parts, but most of all, he laughed like crazy at the funny parts.

Did you find that unusual??”

“Yes,” she replied, “I found it very unusual … because he hated the book!”