A student in chemistry class was instructed to create a new substance by mixing some special ingredient with water.
Rhonda’s dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, “I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you a check. Oh, by the way don’t worry about my bulldog. He won’t bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot! I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!”
One fine day, in ancient Rome, Julius Caesar turned his attention to a problem plaguing his mighty empire: laundry. Getting all those white togas clean was a constant pain.
He also had some weird ideas that if he could get the togas stiff enough, they would be like a light coat of armor … not enough to last through a sustained battle, but enough to ward off an assassin’s arrow. He figured the easiest way to get this done on a large scale would be to dump a bunch of detergent into a tidal pool, and dump the toga’s in afterwards. (This was two thousand years ago … the environmental movement was restricted to a few druids here and there.)
A Jewish bookie was at the race track playing the ponies and losing his shirt. He noticed a Priest step out onto the track and bless the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race. Lo and behold, that horse … a long shot … won the race.
Next race, as the horses lined up, the Priest stepped onto the track. Sure enough, he blessed one of the horses.
The bookie made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse won the race.
A Texan and his wife were on a trip to New York City.
She had just finished showering to dress for dinner and noticed that she had neglected to pack her bras.
She asked her husband to go down to the dress shop in the lobby and pick up a couple of 36-C bras.