Joke of the Day

I used to think I was just a regular guy, but …

I was born white, which now, whether I like it or not, makes me a racist.

I am a fiscal and moral conservative, which by today’s standards, makes me a fascist.

I am heterosexual, which according to gay folks, now makes me a homophobic.

I am non-union, which makes me a traitor to the working class and an ally of big business. read more

Joke of the Day

A young man, who was also an avid golfer, found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured that if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home.

Just as he was about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old man to join him.

To his surprise, the old man played fairly quickly. He didn’t hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn’t waste much time. read more

Joke of the Day

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.

‘One for you, one for me One for you, one for me,’ said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, ‘One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.’

He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.

‘Come here quick,’ said the boy, ‘you won’t believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls.’ read more

Joke of the Day

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher.
The florist’s son handed the teacher a gift.

She shook it, held it up and said, “I bet I know what it is – it’s some flowers!”

“That’s right!” shouted the little boy.

Then the candy store owner’s daughter handed the teacher a gift.

She held it up, shook it and said. “I bet I know what it is – it’s a box of candy!” read more

Joke of the Day

A driver is pulled over by a patrolman. The patrolman approaches the drivers door.

‘Is there a problem officer?’

The patrolman says, ‘Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?’

The driver responds, ‘I’d give it to you, but I don’t have one.’

‘You don’t have one?’

The man responds, ‘It was suspended four times for drunk driving.’

The patrolman is shocked. ‘I see. May I see your vehicle registration papers please?’

‘I’m sorry, I can’t do that.’

The patrolman says, ‘Why not?’ read more

Joke of the Day

Ron was almost 29 years old. Most of his friends were already married while Ron just bounced from one relationship to the next.

Finally a friend asked him, “What’s the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you THAT particular? Can’t you find anyone who suits you?”

“No,” Ron replied. “I meet a lot of nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn’t like them. So I keep on looking!” read more