Joke of the Day

A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body.

It fit under his shirt

and was not at all noticeable.

On the first day of school, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school.
Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work.

When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.

He had no trouble with discipline that term.

Romney Likes to Fire People

This one has me ticked off. I am sick & tired of the lies flying around the republican primary.

What I heard today was the straw that broke the preverbial “Camel’s Back”.

Mitt Romney was speaking at an event when he said, “I like being able to fire people … who don’t give me good service.”

Find something wrong with that statement, I dare you. That is, without twisted the words around. In context, there’s nothing wrong with it.

Some people have twisted the words around to make Mitt say, “I like to fire people”.

That some being, the media, Newt Gingrich, Jon Huntsman & even Rick Perry. The only candidate that didn’t was Rick Santorum. Good for you, Mr. Santorum.

Newt Gingrich has once again demonstrated he is the second coming of original big government progressive, Teddy Roosevelt, with his portrayal of Romney as the evil “Bain Capital”, wallstreet mogul. Teddy would have done the same. I’m sure it’s also an attempt at payback for what the Romney Super-pac did to him in Iowa.

He (Gingrich), Jon Huntsman & Rick Perry have all lied about the Romney quote. I say they’ve lied because anyone with a brain would understand what Romney very clearly said.

I am not even a Romney supporter, but when other’s just outright lie about a candidate, I have to say something.

I might add, it wasn’t some Super-pac on their behalf. It was the candidates themselves.

I get the whole Ron Paul half truth & lie by ommission commercials. He isn’t taken seriously by enough people. I don’t lend him enough credence to worry about. He’s in this to bring his delegates to the convention to advance some of his ideas. Hopefully it’s just the domestic ones.

I am also getting frustrated with the conservative radio hosts I usually trust to get it right. Neither Rush Limbaugh nor Sean Hannity got it right today. I discount Sean, due to him being the prototypical republican apologist.

I thought at least Rush might get it right though. He didn’t. Maybe he didn’t hear the whole Romney quote, so as to put it into context. If he didn’t, he should’ve held his comments. I didn’t hear the whole segment, so I may have missed something. For now, I’ll give Rush the benefit of the doubt. He’s usually right.

As I would expect, the only talk radio to get it exactly correct was the Glenn Beck show. Stu & Pat were hosting without Glenn today. They covered the whole flap. They were dead on.

This is what we all hate about politics guys!

The Debt Limit

A satirical short film taking a look at the national debt and how it applies to just one family. Starring Brian Stepanek & Eddie Jemison, Produced by Seth William Meier, DP/Edited by Craig Evans, 1st AC Brian Andrews, Sound Mixer Gus Salazar, Written and Directed by Brian Stepanek.

Attribution: Greg

Joke of the Day

CAT DIARY, 7 entries

DAY 752 – My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

———
DAY 761 – Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair…must try this on their bed.
———
DAY 762 – Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
———
DAY 765 – Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was…Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
———
DAY 768 – I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called “shampoo.” What sick minds could invent such a liquid.
———
DAY 771 – There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call “beer.” More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of “allergies.” Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
———
DAY 774 – I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and may be snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return.
He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue. (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured.
But I can wait; it is only a matter of time

ACLU Picks the Republican

The ACLU, that bastion of
righteousness, has now taken upon itself to rank the presidential candidates.
The Nashua Telegraph reports that the ACLU (American Civil Liberties Union) has released their “Candidate Report Card”, ranking candidates for the Republican nomination and President Barack Obama on how well – or poorly – they adhere to the Constitution.

I wasn’t aware The ACLU had a sense of humor? They must have quite a good one because they have to be kidding. What would they know about the Constitution other than how to subvert it?

You may also say, who cares. I, for one, care. If the ACLU rates high, any Republican candidate, you best run away, from said candidate.

So, let’s take a look and see what they came up with.

You would think this would be a slam-dunk for the anointed one. Oh contraire.

The criteria that they used to rank the candidates is as follows:

The rankings, represented by lit or unlit “Lady Liberty torches” (see, they do have a sense of humor), were based on seven categories: humane immigration policy, closing Guantanamo Bay and ending indefinite detentions, gays and lesbians serving openly in the military, ending torture, ending a surveillance state, gay marriage and freedom of reproductive choice. (Weren’t these first seven amendments in the Bill of Rights?) Candidates could score up to four torches in each category, according to the report.

Here are the 2012 candidates in order of ACLU preference:

Gary Johnson, libertarian w/ 21 torches

Ron Paul, libertarian w/ 18 torches

Barack Obama came in third w/ 16

Jon Huntsman w/ 12

Newt Gingrich and Rick Perry each got only 2 ACLU torches

Rating lowest and last on the ACLU scale are Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum with 0 torches. Michele Bachmann also rated 0 but has dropped out of the race.

I don’t know about you but if the ACLU doesn’t like a candidate, that alone is a good reason for me to support them.

So, that tells me I have 3 candidates to choose from.

There’s Bachmann, but she dropped out. That’s not much of an option.

How about Mitt? Well
, he’s a squishy moderate that keeps telling us he’ll work with the democrats. “Work with democrats” is code for conservatives must compromise & libs don’t. He’s out.

That leaves one. Rick Santorum.

I stand corrected. The ACLU has performed a service after all.

Attribution: Nashua Telegraph, GOPUSA

Jokes of the Day

1)
Bobby Nichols is attending his psychology class at a college in Texas.

His professor asks, “Just to establish some parameters, Mr. Nichols, what is the opposite of joy?”

“Sadness,” said Bobby.

“And the opposite of depression, Ms. Biggs?”

“Elation”, she promptly responds.

“And you, Buford, how about the opposite of woe?”

“I believe that would be giddy up…”

2)

A man went to his lawyer and said “I would like to make a will but I don’t know exactly how to go about it.”

The lawyer says “No problem, leave it all to me”.

The man looks somewhat upset … “Well I knew you were going to take the biggest cut, but I’d like to leave a little to my children!

Congress to the People: Do as we Say…

I was going to write about debates. I still may, but I received an email complaining about how Congress exempts itself from the laws it passes. I thought, that can’t be? They wouldn’t do anything that dastardly. Just kidding. Of course they could and would.

Politico writes, “Congress has a long, checkered history of failing to apply to
itself, the laws it passes effecting everybody else. For years, key laws — including the “Americans With Disabilities Act and the Fair Labor Standards Act”— didn’t apply to Congress.”

James Madison in Federalist Paper 57 states, “I will add, as a fifth circumstance in the situation of the House of Representatives, restraining them from oppressive measures, that they can make no law which will not have its full operation on themselves and their friends, as well as on the great mass of the society.”

That’s a hot one!

Here are just a few.

Discrimination:
A new report from Congress’s Office of Compliance, regarding the 1964 Civil Rights Act, notes that Congress has never applied the provision to itself. That’s awesome. Not a single instance of discrimination since 1964? Must be some sort of record.

Healthcare:
Congress is exempted from Obamacare. The spin is that Congress isn’t specifically exempt. No, of course not. They wouldn’t write it in plain english like that. A House spokesman says, “Members of Congress are subject to the legislation’s mandate to have insurance, and the plans available to them must meet the same minimum benefit standards that other insurance plans will have to meet. “All plans would have to follow those requirements by 2019”. Because of their Cadillac healthcare plans, they already meet the minimum requirements and are, defacto, exempt. Because it isn’t actually spelled out, they can naturally deny their exemption.

Insider Trading:
From an article I wrote a month or so ago, we know they are exempt from current insider trading laws.

OSHA:
Unlike every other employer in the country, Congress is exempt from Occupational Safety and Health (OSHA) regulations. What a deal.

Repayment of Student Loans:
Many Congressional staffers have their student’s loans forgiven.
Here is what I pulled directly off Congressman Dennis Ross’s (12th District, Florida) official website. He is, I guess, trying to disprove the claim.

“Fact – It is wrong to say congressional staffers, do not pay student loans back. There are student loan repayment programs that may be offered to eligible House and Senate staffers, but those programs have annual and lifetime caps. It’s possible that some congressional staffers will not have to repay their student loans, but that depends on how much they owe and how long they remain on staff. It is also worth pointing out that a similar program exists for executive branch employees; so congressional staffers aren’t the only ones receiving this benefit. All of the programs were created to help recruit and retain qualified employees. We don’t take any position on the merits of the programs. But it’s simply not true that they exempt anyone from repaying their student loans.”

Notice he parsed his words by saying, “exempt anyone.” You can’t make this stuff up. That statement was his proof? In the first sentence, he says there is no program. The next few, well, there kind of is. The last sentence, he admits there is, but other people do it too, so you can’t just be mad at us.

As an aside, I have all but given up on these supposed fact-checking sites. Both Snopes & Factcheck.org claim this student loan thing was a myth, when it is truly a fact. My guess is, like politicians, they can claim something is a myth if doesn’t apply 100% across the board.

There are probably 100’s more examples of congressional malfeasance, but this is a start. I’m sure Madison has been turning over in his grave for a century or more.

The email I received ended with this:
Proposed 28th Amendment to the United States Constitution: “Congress shall make no law that applies to the citizens of the United States that does not apply equally to the Senators and/or Representatives; and, Congress shall make no law that applies to the Senators and/or Representatives that does not apply equally to the citizens of the United States.”

I would change the amendment to read, “Every branch & entity of government”.

Joke of the Day

A man was in a large grocery store one day pushing his cart around when he collided with a young guy pushing his cart.

He said to the young guy, “Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”

The young guy says, “That’s OK. Coincidentally, I’m looking for my wife too. I can’t find her and I’m getting a little desperate.

The older guy said, “Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?”

The young guy says, “Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blonde hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she’s wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?”

The older man said, “Doesn’t matter — let’s look for yours.”

Confirmation of the Santorum Surge

I attended a Republican forum the other night where the debates, polling and the various candidates were discussed. I introduced the results of a Rasmussen poll regarding the continued surge of Rick Santorum. Well, the place started buzzing. It seems, no one had heard or seen this poll.

I thought it odd the panel of experts discounted it so quickly, claiming Rasmussen’s record wasn’t that great. The mantra continued to be, Romney will win going away. He may very well & he’d better. The expectations in New Hampshire are that Romney kills the competition. In my opinion, if Santorum comes within 10 points of Mitt, it’s really going to upset things in the establishment.

From Newsmax:

Rick Santorum has vaulted into second place among the Republican presidential candidates, polling well into the double digits in the last month, according to two new national surveys from the leading poll outlets Rasmussen and Gallup.

Rasmussen has Santorum in second with 21 percent of likely Republican primary voters in its latest poll, just behind Mitt Romney at 29 percent.

The poll was conducted Wednesday night, a day after Santorum’s surprising second-place finish at the Iowa caucuses, in which the former Pennsylvania senator fell short of Romney by only eight votes.

The Gallup poll has Santorum’s share of the vote increasing to 11 percent, from 8 percent, in its daily tracking poll. Gallup uses a five-day rolling sample, meaning that only 20 percent of its interviews were conducted after Santorum’s showing in Iowa. That implies that Santorum polled at or just above 20 percent in interviews conducted on Wednesday alone, consistent with his standing in the Rasmussen Reports survey, The New York Times pointed out.

In the Rasmussen poll the two frontrunners were followed by Newt Gingrich at 16 percent, Ron Paul at 12 percent and Rick Perry and Jon Huntsman at 4 percent each. Santorum began November at 1 percent in the same survey, and finished the month at only 4 percent.