Witz des Tages

Barack Obama met with the German Chancellor, Angela Merkel. He asked her, “Chancellor, how do you run such a tight ship around here? Are there… any tips you can give to me?”
‎”Well,” said Merkel, “the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.” Obama frowned, and then asked, “But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?”

The Chancellor said, “Oh, that’s easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle.” She pushed a button on her intercom. “Please … send in Vice Chancellor Philipp Roesler, would you?”

Mr. Roesler walked into the room and said, “Yes, Ma’am?” Merkel smiled and said, “Answer me this please, Philipp. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?”
Without pausing for a moment, the Vice Chancellor answered, “That would be me.”
“Yes! Very good,” said the Chancellor.

Obama went back home and ask Vice President Joe Biden the same question. “Joe, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It’s not your brother and it’s not your sister. Who is it?” “I’m not sure,” said Biden. “Let me get back to you on that one…” He went to his advisors and asked every one, but none could give him an answer.

Finally, he ran into Herman Cain eating out one night. Biden asked, “Herman, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it’s not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”
Immediately Cain answered back, “That’s easy, it’s me!”

Biden smiled, and said, “Thanks!” Then, he went back to speak with Obama. “Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It’s Herman Cain!”
Obama got up, stomped over to Biden, and angrily yelled into his face, “No! You idiot! It’s Philipp Roesler!”

California Dreamin

One of my readers recently read an article on the new California “Dream Act”. They suggested I tackle this topic & so I shall. Thanks for the suggestion and it pisses me off too.

The Dream Act is a 2 part plan. In July, Governor Brown signed AB 130 (part 1), making funding from private sources available to undocumented students (criminal aliens). With Saturday’s signing of AB 131, the California Dream Act passed in its entirety, granting undocumented students access to public and private funding for college. The new Act will reported cost a minimum of 14.5 million dollars a year. That’s a state estimate so it will be at least double to triple that. Remember, undocumented = criminal.

The bill was introduced by Assemblyman Gil Cedillo (D-Los Angeles), who praised Brown for showing courage in signing it. “After having invested 12 years in the high school education of these young men and women, who are here through no fault of their own,” Cedillo said, “it’s the smartest thing for us to do to permit these students to get scholarships and be treated like every other student.”

Treated like any other student? They’re not. They, with or without the help of their parents, broke the law, which makes them criminals. For that they should be punished. Not with jail time for which we will have to pay, but with deportation.

Astonishly the L.A. Times editorial board urged Governor Moonbeam (Jerry Brown) to sign part deux of the Dream Act.

The Times writes, “One argument in favor of the act is that it would prevent undocumented students from falling into what the editorial board sees as a “permanent underclass.” Additionally, the measure would prime these young people to replace baby boomers on the verge of retirement. But realistically, AB 131 is just the beginning.”

They continue, “So far, federal lawmakers have declined to provide a path to citizenship, and they are unlikely to produce any such bill in the near future. At least California lawmakers can offer some hope for students who want to pursue the American dream.” I think you have to be American to pursue the American dream. I always say, the first step to achieving the dream is to break the law. That shows you’re serious.

Illegal immigration is considered a Class B misdemeanor.
According to Federal law, a Class B misdemeanor is an offense punishable by imprisonment of at least thirty one days but not more than six months.

But instead of that, the California law allows, “Illegal immigrants who graduate from a state high school and demonstrate both merit and need, to apply for publicly funded scholarships and other state aid. As stated, the bill passed last month already allows these deserving students to apply for privately funded scholarships.” I am still researching the definition of “deserving”. I guess it doesn’t mean what I thought.

But, some might say, it’s their money. Why should I care how they wish to spend it. They must have excess funds to pay for the program.

They would be wrong. As of 2008 California had more than $60 BILLION in debt and that amount is growing rapidly.
California has no law limiting the amount of public debt the state can accumulate. Adding debt approved by voters but not yet borrowed brings the total to $136 billion. That was 2008. By this year (2011) it owes $2,542 per person. That’s on top of the massive federal burden.

Cost aside, isn’t it fascinating that if a state wants to strengthen its illegal immigration laws & do the job the feds refuse to, all hell breaks loose. Federal Judges issue stays, lawsuits are filed, etc. But yet when the laws, which are quite clear, are flouted by the states, there is not a peep.

I’m a big “States Rights” advocate. Isn’t this just a states rights issue? Why can’t they do as they wish? Interesting point, but the same people who would claim that always argue that immigration is a federal responsibility. When a state wants to crack down or control their own borders, what happens? That was a rhetorical question. We all know the answer.

In our current climate of political correctness there doesn’t appear to be a solution to this mess. I, however, have a couple of suggestions.

Enact a federal law stating that there will never be a federal bailout of any state. Each state sinks or swims on its own. Once a coddled criminal alien leaves a friendly state he will be deported and any cost incurred will be paid for by that state. At least they will be more likely to stay put.

The fact is, California is already too far gone. Our job is to see to it that they don’t drag us all down with them. If states wish to flush their own money down the crapper, that’s their business, but don’t dare come crying to us when the inevitable finally happens.

We need to build a wall, not only on our southern border, but extend it around all of California.

Joke of the Day

A cabbie picks up a Nun.
She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won’t stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: “I have a question to ask, but I don’t want to offend you.”
She answers, “My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re
as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I, you get a
chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that
there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”

“Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.”

She responds,”Well, let’s see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.”

The cab driver is very excited and says, “Yes, I’m single and Catholic!”

‘OK’ the nun says. “Pull into the next alley.” The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

“My dear child,” said the nun, “Why are you crying?”

“Forgive me but I’ve sinned. I lied and I must confess; I’m married and I’m Jewish.”

The nun says, “That’s OK. My name is Kevin and I’m going to a Halloween party.”

Attribution: Karen

Religion of Lies

It couldn’t be put any better or more honestly. The facts are the facts, if one has the courage to accept them. I still don’t understand where the, “Islam is a peaceful religion” nonsense comes from. I have never seen one instance of this. If anyone can think of one, please share.

Just watch. Pat nails it.

Barzelletta del giorno

Tony had just finished reading a new book entitled, ‘You Can Be The Man of Your House.’

He stormed into the kitchen and to his wife announced, ‘From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert.

After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want. Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe.

Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?’

His Sicilian wife Gina replied, “The damn funeral director would be my first guess.”

Joke of the Day

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo dolls. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager’s door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo’s all over the factory floor and they’re really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo’s.

She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo’s legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena. “I’m sorry,” he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, “but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday…”

“Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.”

George’s Wallet

So it seems every whacko leftist group in the country is involving itself in the Occupy Wall Street event. It is spreading throughout the country. It is mainly concentrated in large cities but is also extending to college campuses. According to the Daily Iowan; “The recent nationwide protests are sparking campus walkouts. On Wednesday, many colleges took part in the Occupy Colleges movement by urging students to walk out of their classes at noon. More than 75 colleges said they would participate.” Oh boy. I’m sure the kids are fully informed & are not just useful idiots.

Speaking of useful idiots; here’s a recent quote, “We’re not trying to grab the steering wheel or to control it,” said Michael Kink, executive director of the Strong Economy For All coalition. “We’re looking to find common cause and support the effort. It’s the right fight at the right time and we want to be part of it.” Well Michael, you naive little dweeb. You may not be looking to grab the wheel but the big players are and they will use you up & spit you out after you’ve served your purpose. But I digress.

Community groups like Make the Road New York, the Coalition for the Homeless, the Alliance for Quality Education and Community Voices Heard are also organizing for Wednesday’s action, and the labor/community coalitions United New York and Strong Economy For All are pitching coming out.

The United Federation of Teachers, 32BJ SEIU, 1199 SEIU, Workers United and Transport Workers Union Local 100 are all expected to participate.

Other groups include, People For The American Way, Planned Parenthood, Campaign For America’s Future, Democracy For America, Leadership Conference for Civil and Human Rights (LCCR), Common Cause, Public Campaign.

Did I see LCCR? Wasn’t Van Jones a member? Pure coincidence.

On its face this movement, as it were, seems to be fairly spontaneous. But of course, thinks like this never are. The usual suspects are involved and have been pulling the strings on this for a while.

Stephen Lerner

We have both Stephen Lerner of SEIU and Wade Rathke, founder of ACORN that suggested this idea earlier this year. Rathke is also a founding board member of the Soros-funded Tides Foundation, a key source of money for AdBusters magazine and countless other anti-business groups. And he is directly tied to more than a few unions including the SEIU.

Wade Rathke


In fact, the original call to “Occupy Wall Street” came from the magazine AdBusters.

The Ruckus Society of Oakland, Ca. is involved in the events. Ruckus’s roots are in the forest defense movement but have grown and transformed into a multiracial social and environmental justice organization.
Who else came out of Oakland? Oh, that’s right, Van Jones. Another coincidence?

Among other things, The Ruckus Society is generally credited with training violent protesters who vandalized and looted Seattle storefronts during the 1999 World Trade Organization meetings. Sounds like a stand up group. Where oh where does their funding come from? You & me perhaps? Nope. Several lefty organizations including the Tides Foundation. And where again do they get their funding. That’s right; Soro’s Open Society Institute provides them millions of dollars a year.

MoveOn.org is expected to mobilize its extensive online regional networks to drum up support for the effort. Ah yes. An event just wouldn’t be complete without MoveOn, which, of course, is funded by Soros.

On top of supplying activists to join the demonstrations, MoveOn is also staging what it calls a “massive ‘Virtual March on Wall Street’ online.” The Internet-based demonstrations are a collaborative effort with another radical and well-connected outfit tied to Soros called Rebuild the Dream.

Led by our old buddy, self-described communist and former Obama administration czar Van Jones, the “Dream” movement is a partnership between a host of Soros-financed “progressive” groups. Big Labor and even Planned Parenthood.

So as we can see it comes down, as it always does, to one man, Dr. Evil, George Soros, who in fact may be the anti-christ. The event should be renamed Occupy Wall Street & George’s wallet.

Joke of the Day

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on.

Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him. “Pardon me,” she said, “I’m sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It’s just that you look just like my son, who just died recently.” “I’m very sorry,” replied the young man, “is there anything I can do for you?” “Yes,” she said, “As I’m leaving, can you say ‘Goodbye, Mother’? It would make me feel so much better.” “Sure,” answered the young man.

As the old woman was leaving, he called out, “Goodbye, Mother!” As he stepped up to the checkout counter, the cashier said, “That will be $127.50.” “How can that be?” he asked, “I only purchased a few things!”

“Your mother said that you would pay for her,” said the clerk.

Give In, or I’ll Chant Something

Herman Cain is asked why the people are protesting.

Get with the program Herman. I know what they want. Here is their list of demands. It’s like a new Constitution, Dude!

Demand one: Restoration of the living wage. This demand can only be met by ending “free-trade” by re-imposing trade tariffs on all imported goods entering the American market to level the playing field for domestic family farming and domestic manufacturing as most nations that are dumping cheap products onto the American market have radical wage and environmental regulation advantages. Another policy that must be instituted is raise the minimum wage to twenty dollars an hr.

Demand two: Institute a universal single payer healthcare system. To do this all private insurers must be banned from the healthcare market as their only effect on the health of patients is to take money away from doctors, nurses and hospitals preventing them from doing their jobs and hand that money to wall st. investors.

Demand three: Guaranteed living wage income regardless of employment.

Demand four: Free college education.

Demand five: Begin a fast track process to bring the fossil fuel economy to an end while at the same bringing the alternative energy economy up to energy demand.

Demand six: One trillion dollars in infrastructure (Water, Sewer, Rail, Roads and Bridges and Electrical Grid) spending now.

Demand seven: One trillion dollars in ecological restoration planting forests, reestablishing wetlands and the natural flow of river systems and decommissioning of all of America’s nuclear power plants.

Demand eight: Racial and gender equal rights amendment.

Demand nine: Open borders migration. anyone can travel anywhere to work and live.

Demand ten: Bring American elections up to international standards of a paper ballot precinct counted and recounted in front of an independent and party observers system.

Demand eleven: Immediate across the board debt forgiveness for all. Debt forgiveness of sovereign debt, commercial loans, home mortgages, home equity loans, credit card debt, student loans and personal loans now! All debt must be stricken from the “Books.” World Bank Loans to all Nations, Bank to Bank Debt and all Bonds and Margin Call Debt in the stock market including all Derivatives or Credit Default Swaps, all 65 trillion dollars of them must also be stricken from the “Books.” And I don’t mean debt that is in default, I mean all debt on the entire planet period.

Demand twelve: Outlaw all credit reporting agencies.

Demand thirteen: Allow all workers to sign a ballot at any time during a union organizing campaign or at any time that represents their yeah or nay to having a union represent them in collective bargaining or to form a union.

These demands will create so many jobs it will be completely impossible to fill them without an open borders policy.

Create jobs huh? Why bother. I will get paid whether I work or not. Why work? Why get an education? Why learn anything? I get free housing. I’m continuously debt free. I receive free healthcare. I can purchase anything I like due to my instant debt relief. This is great! Where do I sign?