Joke of the Day

After being married for 40 years, a man took a careful look at his wife one day and said, “Forty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 23-year-old girl.”

He went on to explain, “Now … I have a $500,000.00 home, a $50,000.00 car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV, but I’m sleeping with a 63-year-old woman. It seems to me that you’re not holding up your side of things.”

His wife, being a very reasonable woman, told him to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she would make sure that he would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

Is Congress Waking Up?

From Newsbusters:

House Republicans introduced a bill last week with hopes of forcing major changes on the United Nations. The bill would require the United Nations to allow member countries to fund the UN agencies of their choosing rather than according to a formula, end funding for Palestinian refugees, limit U.S. funding to be used only for purposes specifically outlined by Congress, and end contributions to peacekeeping programs until changes in management take place.

With the United States contributing 22% of the UN’s operating budget, the GOP believes there is enough leverage to force these changes in the UN. Led by the Republican chairwoman of the House Foreign Affairs Committee, Ileana Ros-Lehtinen, the changes are designed to end corruption and inefficiency in the global organization. How involved do you think the U.S. should be in the UN? Let me know your thoughts in the comments.

Further from Bloomberg:

The U.S. pays 22 percent of the UN’s regular operations budget and is assessed 27 percent of the peacekeeping budget. The U.S. payments totaled $3.35 billion in 2010, of which $2.67 billion was dedicated to the 16 peacekeeping operations worldwide, from South Sudan to Haiti. […]

Ros-Lehtinen’s aim in shifting the UN budget to a voluntary system is to encourage competition for funds and therefore elicit more effective performance from UN agencies, said a House aide familiar with the legislation. He wasn’t authorized to speak on the record.

The bill’s timing runs counter to the emergence of the administration’s “Obama Doctrine” of working with others to address international issues, particularly those that don’t pose an immediate security threat to the U.S., said Jeffrey Laurenti, a UN analyst at the Century Foundation, a New York-based economic, political and social research foundation.

Call Congresswoman Ileana Ros-Lehtinen at (202) 225-3931 & thank her for her initiative & leadership.

Joke an Lae

A man walks into a bar and orders three beers.

The bartender brings him the three beers, and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third, until they’re gone.

He then orders three more and the bartender says, “Sir, I know you like them cold, so you can start with one, and I’ll bring you a fresh one as soon as you’re low.”

The man says, “You don’t understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the Ireland. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night, we’d still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three beers, too, and we’re drinking together.”

The bartender thinks it’s a wonderful tradition, and every week he sets up the guy’s three beers. Then one week, the man comes in and orders only two. He drinks them and then orders two more. The bartender says sadly, “Knowing your tradition, I’d just like to just say that I’m sorry you’ve lost one of your brothers.”

The man replies, “Oh, my brothers are fine — I just quit drinking.”

Woods to Play the Frys

Tiger Woods has signed on to play in the Frys.com Open in October. So why this tournament? It’s not exactly a first tier event. Was it just on a whim? Not at all.

A lot of the credit has gone to Duke Butler, president of the event, but Woods’ decision to play at the Frys.com Open is not solely the doing of Butler. John Fry’s commitment to the tournaments excellence played a major role. Butler has, however had a decent relationship with Tiger’s agent Mark Steinberg since 2007.

In 2010, the day before the U.S. at Pebble Beach, Butler picked up Steinberg & drove him up to San Martin him a tour of CordeValle, home of the Frys. Steinberg was introduced to John Fry. He was impressed.

It appears the event is sold out. Bet that’s never happened before.

I guess Tiger’s still has the Mojo to draw a serious crowd.

Joke van de Dag

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they laid down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

“Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

Watson replied, “I see millions and millions of stars.”

“What does that tell you?”

Watson pondered for a minute.

“Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?”

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. “It tells me that someone has stolen our tent.”

0 Jobs??

Hey Hey Ho Ho, we don’t need no jobs no mo! Everybody chant!

Yes the monthly jobs report was released today. We added 0 jobs. Awesome! It’s the end of another recovery summer.

And, oh by the way, the change in total nonfarm payroll employment for June was revised down again (the way it always is) from +46,000 to +20,000, and the change for July was revised from +117,000 to +85,000. I’m sure the experts were surprised.

The economy expanded at an annual pace of only 0.7 percent in the first six months of the year. That was the slowest six months of growth since the recession officially ended in June 2009. Oh, it ended? Most economists forecast that growth may improve to about a 2 percent annual rate in the July-September quarter. But that’s not fast enough to generate many jobs. Are these the same economists that predict the jobs number every month? They’ve yet to get close. Back to jobs, or no jobs.
Hiring fell across many different sectors. Manufacturers cut 3,000 jobs. Construction companies, retailers, and transportation firms also cut workers.
Yet the unemployment rate is still at 9.1%, which we all know is a lie. There are accounting gimmicks at play here. Shocking, I know.
Very simply the government accountants magically shrink the workforce. One gimmick is the Employment-Population Ratio. It is a statistic that takes the ratio of the total working age of the labor force currently employed to the total working age population of a region, municipality or country. The employment ratio is subject to manipulation and may be skewed in order to give the perception that an economy, based on this metric, is performing better then it really is.
The other is the workforce Participation Rate. It’s a measure of the active portion of an economy’s labor force. The participation rate refers to the number of people who are either employed or are actively looking for work. The number of people who are no longer actively searching for work would not be included in the participation rate. In a poor economy many people get discouraged and stop looking for employment, as a result, the participation rate decreases.

By merely eliminating people from these formulas it keeps the unemployment rate down. Just like magic. I feel better, but then, I have a job.

To the Beach we Go!

Hey kids, let’s take a trip to the beach. Holy Crap!! This is a day at the beach in China. Hope we can find a parking spot within 20 miles. I’m looking, but I can’t find any facilities. You know, outhouses, bathrooms. Just imagine.