Joke of the Day

And lo, in the year 2011, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said:

“Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.”

“Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans.”

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, “You have 6 months to build the ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.”

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard, but there was no ark.

“Noah! I’m about to start the rain! Where is the ark?”

“Forgive me, Lord,” begged Noah, “but things have changed.”

“I needed a building permit.”

“I’ve been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system.”

“My neighbors claim that I’ve violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.”

“Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the ark’s move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.”

“Getting the wood was another problem. There’s a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl.”

“I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls, but no go!”

“When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.”

“Then the EPA ruled that I couldn’t build the ark until they’d conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.”

“I’m still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I’m supposed to hire for my building crew.”

“Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work.”

“The trades unions say I can’t use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with ark-building experience.

“To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I’m trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.”

“So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.”

Suddenly, the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, “You mean you’re not going to destroy the world?”

“No,” said the Lord. “The government beat me to it.”

Joe vs the Obama Volcano

Last Thursday, the Obama Administration’s Justice Department announced it’s findings of a 3 year investigation of Sheriff Joe Arpaio & his Maricopa County department. The investigation actually began in 2008, under the compassionate conservative DOJ (Dept. of Justice) of the Bush administration.

You remember the Bush DOJ. The guys that jailed the innocent border patrol agents, Compean & Ramos & ruined their lives. It’s not just the left illegal lovers but the right also. Compassionate Conservatives don’t cha know. Compassionate to everyone but conservatives.

To date, the Sheriff has been investigated by Congress, the FBI and a Federal Grand Jury for civil rights violations and abuse of power. This must be one evil dude & yet, he still roams free.

In response to the Obama DOJ’s findings, Arpaio said, “President Obama and the band of his merry men might as well erect their own pink neon sign at the Arizona-Mexico border saying ‘Welcome all illegals to your United States, our home is your home.” Joe has vowed to never resign or bow to the Feds pressure.

The well-known conservative organization, ThinkProgress writes, “Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio is unquestionably the most notorious law enforcement official in the country, infamous for his ruthless and illegal treatment of the undocumented immigrants under his charge.” (For those who don’t know, I was kidding. Think Progress is as far left leaning as one can be without falling over).

For years, Arpaio has been accused of discriminating against Latinos by targeting them during immigration raids, racial profiling & naughty words aimed at inmates.

With the proximity to the Mexican border, Latinos make up over 95% of those moving drugs into the country through Maricopa County as well as over 95% of the illegal immigrants pouring across the border. They make up over 95% of all criminal activity in the area, but yet they are being unjustifiably profiled.

So, let’s say 95% of all crimes in your city were committed by Martians. Would it make sense to question & detain Earthlings? Of course not. Good police work would dictate the detention & questioning of Martians, except, of course, if they’re Latino Martians.

ThinkProgress further reports, “In response to the DOJ report, the Department of Homeland Security revoked Maricopa County jail officers’ authority to detain people on immigration charges, meaning they can’t continue to hold immigration violators who are not charged with local crimes. Arpaio said that would only lead to the release of jail inmates being held on immigration charges after committing previous offenses. Inmates could be transferred to federally controlled facilities instead of released, however.” Yes, I’m sure that’s what will happen. Rather, I think the inmates will be released, given welfare, tuition money & A NEW CAR, or whatever is behind curtain number 3.

It is nice to hear the old “Undocumented Immigrant” card played again though, eh? They’re just people without papers.

Over the years, Arpaio & his police force have been hit with over 2700 lawsuits. Isn’t it odd that all of them have been civil suits. With all this supposed abuse & criminal activity, you would think he would be in jail himself, but no. In a criminal trial, the plaintiff actually has to prove his or her claim. The old saying, “You can sue someone for a ham sandwich”, is alive and well these days. Civil suits only require an unscrupulous plaintiff, a dirtbag lawyer and a hack judge.

Oh, by the way, Arpaio is an elected official, not appointed. He’s been the elected sheriff since 1993. If he is that much the monster, why does he win reelection time after time? Oh yeah, everyone who votes for him is a racist. I almost forgot.

I’m sure it’s pure coincidence these findings are being released now. See, Sheriff Joe has, for a while now, been investigating the Obama birth certificate legitimacy issue. I don’t have an opinion one way or the other, but the Sheriff thinks there’s something to it & no doubt Obama wants to put a stop to it. Investigations & threatening are good ways to pressure someone to bend to your will.

Arpaio, though, will not play ball with the Feds. If he goes down, it will be swinging.

Vote Early & Often

Sen. John Cornyn said Wednesday, “Voter identification laws are constitutional and necessary to prevent fraud at the ballot box.

That sounds reasonable. Why would the Senator say something like that? Was he simply making a statement or possibly responding to someone or something?

You win, if you answered, responded to someone. That someone being our beloved Attorney General, Eric, the Gun Runner, Holder.

“Facing an election challenge next year, this administration has chosen to target efforts by the states to protect the democratic process,” Cornyn continued.

It seems A.G. Holder is calling for an end to state laws requiring voters to show identification at polling stations.

I’m sure it’s the same tired old arguments they’ve been using for years. Requiring I.D. is racist. It denies the poor, the old & infirmed the right to vote.

Evidently, the wealthy, young, healthy & of course white are the only people in America capable of obtain proper identification.

I’m not certain, but many common functions require I.D. Opening a simple bank account, a hospital or doctor visit. One must have proper I.D. when buying a house or renting an apartment. I think applying for welfare requires an I.D. Let me check that one. Yep. Just checked & indeed it does. Heck, I needed a photo I.D. to join my local gym.

Rep. Paul Gosar of Arizona said, “If we are to maintain the integrity of the democratic process, it is not unreasonable that voters should show appropriate identification when they turn up at polling stations and for him to suggest otherwise flies in the face of common sense.”

It’s no surprise that Holder went to the Lyndon Johnson library to make the announcement of the administrations intent to interfere with state election laws. In 1965, Johnson signed the Voting Rights Act, which allows the federal government to interfere in state voting laws if they would disproportionately deter minority groups from voting.

It seems to me the only deterrence to voting is the Black Panthers.

The attorney general said he was concerned about measures that tended “to restrict in ways that are subtle, and sometimes not so subtle, the ability of the American people to cast their ballots.” Protecting access to the voting process “must be viewed not only as a legal issue but as a moral imperative,” he said. Except if you’re the Black Panthers, which were caught on video, disrupting the voting process. If you recall, Holder’s Justice department dropped the case against them.

Holder continued, “Where a state can’t meet its legal burden in showing an absence of discriminatory impact, we will object”

That’s a neat trick, having to prove a negative.

“Georgia’s law has been in place for five years,” said Hans von Spakovsky, a Justice Department official in the George W. Bush administration. “Not only did the turnout for African Americans not go down, it went up.”

On the voter ID issue, Texas Democrats, voting-rights advocates and minority groups had harshly criticized the photo ID law, but were unable to block its passage in the Republican-controlled Legislature. Hooray for Texas!

The bottom line is, democrats have relied on voter fraud to win elections since John Kennedy was elected. I guess it’s just easier than convincing people to come out & vote legally.

Attribution: Newsmax, Hattiesburg American

Welfare Reform

The following is a reprint of an article written by Christine Rousselle, a student, who writes a blog for a site called the College Conservative. I didn’t feel the need to add anything to this column:

During the 2010 and 2011 summers, I was a cashier at Wal-Mart #1788 in Scarborough, Maine. I spent hours upon hours toiling away at a register, scanning, bagging, and dealing with questionable clientele. These were all expected parts of the job, and I was okay with it. What I didn’t expect to be part of my job at Wal-Mart was to witness massive amounts of welfare fraud and abuse.

I understand that sometimes, people are destitute. They need help, and they accept help from the state in order to feed their families. This is fine. It happens. I’m not against temporary aid helping those who truly need it. What I saw at Wal-Mart, however, was not temporary aid. I witnessed generations of families all relying on the state to buy food and other items. I literally witnessed small children asking their mothers if they could borrow their EBT cards. I once had a man show me his welfare card for an ID to buy alcohol. The man was from Massachusetts. Governor Michael Dukakis’ signature was on his welfare card. Dukakis’ last gubernatorial term ended in January of 1991. I was born in June of 1991. The man had been on welfare my entire life. That’s not how welfare was intended, but sadly, it is what it has become.

Other things witnessed while working as a cashier included:

a) People ignoring me on their iPhones while the state paid for their food. (For those of you keeping score at home, an iPhone is at least $200, and requires a data package of at least $25 a month. If a person can spend $25+ a month so they can watch YouTube 24/7, I don’t see why they can’t spend that money on food.)

b) People using TANF (EBT Cash) money to buy such necessities such as earrings, kitkat bars, beer, WWE figurines, and, my personal favorite, a slip n’ slide. TANF money does not have restrictions like food stamps on what can be bought with it.

c) Extravagant purchases made with food stamps; including, but not limited to: steaks, lobsters, and giant birthday cakes.

d) A man who ran a hotdog stand on the pier in Portland, Maine used to come through my line. He would always discuss his hotdog stand and encourage me to “come visit him for lunch some day.” What would he buy? Hotdogs, buns, mustard, ketchup, etc. How would he pay for it? Food stamps. Either that man really likes hotdogs, or the state is paying for his business. Not okay.

The thing that disturbed me more than simple cases of fraud/abuse was the entitled nature of many of my customers. One time, a package of bell peppers did not ring up as food in the computer. After the woman swiped her EBT card, it showed a balance that equaled the cost of the peppers. The woman asked what the charge was, and a quick glance at the register screen showed that the peppers did not ring up as food. (Food items had the letter ‘F’ next to their description.) The woman immediately began yelling at me, saying that, “It’s food! You eat it!”

This wasn’t the only time things like this happened: if a person’s EBT balance was less than they thought it would be, or if their cards were declined, it was somehow my fault. I understand the situation is stressful, but a person should be knowledgeable about how much money is in their account prior to going grocery shopping. EBT totals are printed on receipts, and every cell phone has a calculator function. There’s no excuse, and there’s no reason to yell at the cashier for it.

The worst thing I ever saw at Wal-Mart Scarborough was two women and their children. These women each had multiple carts full of items, and each began loading them at the same time (this should have been a tip-off to their intelligence levels). The first woman, henceforth known as Welfare Queen #1, paid for about $400 worth of food with food stamps. The majority of her food was void of any nutritional value. She then pulled out an entire month’s worth of WIC (Women, Infants, and Children program) checks. I do not mind people paying with WIC, but the woman had virtually none of the correct items. WIC gives each participating mother a book containing actual images of items for which a person can and cannot redeem the voucher. This woman literally failed at image comprehension.

After redeeming 10+ WIC checks, Welfare Queen #1 had me adjust the prices of several items she was buying (Wal-Mart’s policy is to just adjust the price of the item without question if it’s within a dollar or two). She then pulled out a vacuum cleaner, and informed me that the cost of the vacuum was $3.48 because, “that’s what it’s labeled as.” The vacuum cleaner was next to a stack of crates that were $3.48. Somehow, every other customer was able to discern that the vacuum cleaner was not $3.48, but Welfare Queen #1 and her friend Welfare Queen #2 were fooled. Welfare Queen #2 informed me that she used to work for Wal-Mart, and that the “laws of Wal-Mart legally said” that I would have to sell her the vacuum for $3.48. After contacting my manager, who went off to find the proper vacuum price, Welfare Queen #1 remarked that it must be tough to stand on a mat all day and be a cashier. I looked at her, smiled, shrugged, and said, “Well, it’s a job.” She was speechless. After they finally admitted defeat, (not before Welfare Queen #2 realizing she didn’t have enough money to buy all of the food she had picked out, resulting in the waste of about $200 worth of products) the two women left about an hour and a half after they arrived at my register. The next man in line said that the two women reminded him of buying steel drums and cement. I said I was reminded why I vote Republican.

Maine has a problem with welfare spending. Maine has some of the highest rates in the nation for food stamp enrollment, Medicaid, and TANF. Nearly 30% of the state is on some form of welfare. Maine is the only state in the nation to rank in the top two for all three categories. This is peculiar, as Maine’s poverty rate isn’t even close to being the highest in the nation. The system in Maine is far easier to get into than in other states, and it encourages dependency. When a person makes over the limit for benefits, they lose all benefits completely. There is no time limit and no motivation to actually get back to work. Furthermore, spending on welfare has increased dramatically, but there has been no reduction of the poverty rate. Something is going terribly wrong, and the things I saw at work were indicators of a much larger problem. Something must change before the state runs out of money funding welfare programs.

Jokes of the Day

1) One day the school principal was talking to Little Johnny’s teacher about his behavior, when all of a sudden Johnny comes running down the hallway.

The principal stops Johnny and asks him, “Why are you running?”

Little Johnny says, “I’m keeping two kids from fighting, sir.”

“Who?” asked the principal.

“Me and the kid chasing me!” and off he went.

2) Actual Police Quotes:

“The handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch out after you wear them awhile.”

“If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”

“So, you don’t know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?”

“Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?”

“The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?”

“Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”

“Life’s tough, it’s tougher if you’re stupid.”

“Just how big were those two beers?