Joke of the Day

A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon.

When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.

“Well,” said her mother, “how was the honeymoon?”

“Oh, mama,” she replied, “the honeymoon as wonderful! So romantic…”

Suddenly she burst out crying. “But, mama, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language – things I’d never heard before!
I mean, the most awful 4-letter words! You’ve got to take me home… PLEASE MAMA!”

“Sarah, Sarah,” her mother said, “calm down! You need to stay with your husband and work this out. Now, tell me, what could be so awful? WHAT 4-letter words?”

“Please don’t make me tell you, mama,” wept the daughter, “I’m so embarrassed they’re just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!!”

“Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!”

Still sobbing, the bride said, “Oh, Mama … he used words like: dust, wash, iron, cook…”

“I’ll pick you up in twenty minutes,” said the mother.

Joke of the Day

Old Fart Football
An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, “Seven Points.”

His wife rolls over and says, “What in the world was that?”

The old man replied, “its fart football.

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says,”Touchdown, tie score.”

After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says,

“Aha. I’m ahead 14 to 7.”

Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says,

“Touchdown, tie score.”

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says,

“Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.” Now the pressure is on the old man.

He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.

Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he’s got, and accidentally craps in the bed.

The wife says, “What the hell was that?”

The old man says, “Half time, switch sides.”

Attribution: Greg

Alice in Solyndraland

By this time most everyone knows about the Solar Company Solyndra & the hundreds of millions of our dollars that were flushed down the toilet.

Let’s take a leap down the rabbit hole. But first a pop quiz.

Who said this?

“The true engine of economic growth will always be companies like Solyndra . . . The future is here. We’re poised to transform the ways we power our homes and our cars and our businesses. And we’re poised to lead our competitors in the development of new technologies and products and businesses. And we are poised to generate countless new jobs, good-paying middle-class jobs, right here in the United States of America.”

You guessed it. It was King Barack in May of 2010. Too bad that wasn’t the Daily Double.

Oops. I forgot Alice is still falling. Let’s see what she has uncovered.

The Washington Post wrote, “Solyndra company executives ramped up their Washington lobbying efforts, hiring a former Senate aide to work with the White House and the Energy Department. . . .
[P]ublic records show that since 2008, Solyndra has spent more than $1 million on lobbying inside the Beltway.
Lobbying expenditures of $160,000 a year in 2008 and 2009 accelerated as Solyndra’s financial and political troubles mounted. By 2010, such spending had grown to $550,000. So far this year, Solyndra has reported spending $220,000, but that number will grow as more reports filter in.”

Senate Aide, eh. Who might that be? His name is Steve McBee. McBee, a former top staffer for Sen. Maria Cantwell, D-Wash., and powerful House Appropriations Committee member Rep. Norm Dicks, D-Wash., reportedly wrote key provisions in the stimulus bill to open the spigot of green corporate welfare.

Want a couple more lobbyists? How about former John Kerry aide Andy Quinn and Gregg Rothschild, a former chief of staff for top Democrat Rep. Steny Hoyer of Maryland.

Finally we have the White Rabbit, George Kaiser. Kaiser, Solyndra’s chief investor, was a top 2008 fundraiser for Obama and met with White House officials in 2009 as the loan was in the approval process. He was also a bundler for Obama’s 2008 campaign, gathering over $50,000 in campaign contributions. Kaiser, together with Solyndra executives and board members, donated $87,050 to Obama’s campaign.

By sheer coincidence, A $10,000 donation to the Urban Health Initiative at the University of Chicago Medical Center appears on the Kaiser group’s 2009 tax forms. Who created The Urban Initiative? Oh gee, Michelle Obama. Weird, huh.

The Washington Post also reported in 2008 that Valerie Jarrett was the medical center’s chairwoman, and David Axelrod provided community support-building services.

Like Alice, my head is now spinning. I can’t go any deeper.

Joke du Jour

Obituary:
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it
is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which almost
went unnoticed last week.

Larry La Prise, the man who wrote “The Hokey Pokey”, died peacefully at age 93.

The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.

SHUT UP. You know it’s funny.

Attribution: Karen

Crime & Punishment, NOT!

Raj Rajaratnam

Insider trading is a crime & should be. Those who do it should be caught & suffer the consequences. It’s not fair to the rest of us individual investors or “Home Gamers”, as Cramer would call us. There have been many a high-profile insider trading case in the news. Rajaratnam (pictured here), poor Martha Stewart, Levine, Siegel, Boesky and Milken.

More recently, (pictured below) James Fleishman of Primary Global Research, Zvi Goffer, a former hedge fund trader at the Galleon Group, and Craig Drimal, a former hedge fund trader and cohort of Mr. Goffer, all indicted for insider trading.

What do all these scumbags have in common? Well, they’re all scumbags of course. What else? Yes, you got it. None of them are members of Congress or the Senate. Unfortunately for them, they are also not Congressional or Senatorial staffers. If they had been, they’d still be scumbags, but they would not be ex-cons, current cons, or soon to be cons.

You see, members of Congress and their staffers are exempt from insider trading laws. How convenient. Just another example of “Do as I say, not as I do”.

Congressional members have many opportunities to obtain nonpublic information that could affect a stock’s price. They may, for example be aware of impending tax legislation that will pass and which will affect a company’s stock positively or negatively. Similarly, they may be aware of imminent approval of a new drug or the award of a new government contract.

A 2004 Georgia State University study revealed that Senators received annual investment returns 25% higher than that of average households. No doubt they are just better investors.

An analysis of financial-disclosure forms for 2008 and 2009 compiled by the website LegiStorm shows that several hundred congressional aides bought or sold stocks. At least 72 traded the stocks of companies their bosses write laws for.

This is not a Democrat or Republican problem. There are crooks on both sides.

One example in 2009: Senate Banking Committee member Mike Crapo, a Republican from Idaho, was involved in discussing “stress tests” on banks such as Bank of America. His aide Karen Brown traded the company’s stock on several occasions in the weeks before May 7, 2009. When BofA surged thanks to a press release on its stress-test result, Ms. Brown made a nifty profit.

In May a study of some 16,000 stock transactions carried out by House members was published in the journal Business and Politics. This detailed analysis showed that the investment portfolios of House members beat the market by about six points a year. (Democrats did especially well, outperforming by some nine points a year, while Republicans topped the average investor by only two percent annually.) Senators apparently do even better: “their portfolios show some of the highest excess returns ever recorded over a long period of time, significantly outperforming even hedge fund managers,” noted the journal, citing a previously published study.

Every so often a group of lawmakers typically numbering in the single digits proposes that Congress be subjected to the same insider-trading laws as you or me. The proposals are always ignored. Not once has any such bill ever made it to the floor of either house.

Joke of the Day

A woman raised three sons and raised them well. The sons grew, left home, went out on their own and prospered. Due to their success, they were all able to thank their now elderly mother with fine gifts.

The first son William said: “I built a big house for our mother.”

The second son Arnold said: “I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.”

The third, David, said: “You remember how our mother enjoys reading the Bible. You know she can no longer see very well, so I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot recites it.”

Soon thereafter, their mother sent out her letters of thanks. “William,” she said, “the house you built is beautiful but far too large. I live only in one room, but I have to clean the whole thing.

“Arnold,” she said, “I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home so I rarely use the Mercedes. And that driver is so rude! He’s a pain!”

“But David,” she said, “the chicken was delicious!”

Yes We Cain!

Herman Cain stunned everyone over the weekend handily winning the Florida Straw Poll. What does this mean? I wish it meant we have a new front-runner, but of course, it does not. The major media & the pundits on both sides won’t allow it. Maybe they’re just all racists? Why not, it works for some, but not for an Uncle Tom like Cain. That’s the left’s view, I’m sure.

The winner of the Iowa Straw Poll (Bachmann) was the same candidate that came in dead last this weekend. Does that tell us anything? Probably not.

Could these polls be telling us that, just maybe, we’re getting tired of having our candidates picked for us & having to hold our collective noses at the ballot box? I sure hope so.

It could be that the tide is changing if these real common sense conservatives keep coming through like this. If it starts to shape up like that, we will have a Battle Royal on our hands. Forget about the left. The get-along, smarter than us riff-raff, talking heads of the republican establishment will stop at nothing to buoy support for a middle of the road candidate. He can, of course, be a fiscal hawk but he must stay away from the real sticky issues. Issues like Global Warming, Illegal Immigration, Abortion, homosexual marriage, etc. They’ll tell us it is just about the economy. That’s all people really care about, don’t ya know.

Well I like Herman Cain. He hasn’t been jaded by politics. He speaks plain english, so we know where he stands. He’s not perfect & doesn’t try to be (Mitt). He’s a real business man. He is charismatic & funny. He doesn’t take any crap. He appears not to have a thousand handlers wrongly advising him. Check out his campaign site & see for yourself. http://www.hermancain.com/h

Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus says the GOP has a great field of presidential candidates but that there’s still time for someone else to get in, hint, hint. That sounds like a non-conservative hoping someone (Chris Christie) will ride in & save us from ourselves. Christie is tough & doesn’t take any crap from the left, but he’s not a conservative.

Conservative columnist Bobby Eberle writes, “So… was a vote for Cain a vote for “none of the above”? Yes, it was, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Ok… before you freak out, keep reading. If “none of the above” can win a poll, it means that people like Perry and Romney need to do a better job on the issues. It also means that “none of the above” represents a sizable bloc of voters who want someone who represents them. But most importantly, “none of the above” gives people an opportunity to hear more about a no-nonsense, conservative. “None of the above” now has a name, and his name is Herman Cain.”

Maybe I just misunderstood Mr. Eberle, but why couldn’t those votes have gone to Herman Cain as Herman Cain? The others don’t need to do a better job on the issues. We understand their stances just fine sir & I believe a lot of us reject them.

Is Herman Cain my man? I don’t know yet but he looks good so far & no one looks any better. And by the way, he could wipe the floor with brother Barack. That I know.

Why don’t the Bill Kristols, Karl Roves, David Brooks, Fred Barnes, George Wills et al, let us real conservatives decide for ourselves. We are the Tea Party movement & don’t need a leader, nor want one. We desire a candidate, not to lead us, but that most closely reflects all of our views & values, not just the fiscal. He doesn’t need to be perfect. Ronald Reagan wasn’t.

Joke of the Day

When you drink vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure,

When you drink rum over ice, it can give you liver failure,

When you drink whisky over ice, it can give you heart problems,

When you drink gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.

So, apparently, ice is really bad for you.

Warn all your friends!

Attribution: Mom