Be Blown Away

Ok, this just has to be seen & heard to be believed!

This incredible machine was built as a collaborative effort between the Robert M. Trammell Music Conservatory and the
Sharon Wick School of Engineering at the University of Iowa. Amazingly, 97% of
the machine’s components came from John Deere Industries and Irrigation
Equipment of Bancroft, Iowa . Yes, farm equipment!

It took the team a
combined 13,029 hours (6.26 years) of set-up, alignment, calibration, and
tuning before filming this video but as you can see, it was WELL worth the
effort.

It is now on display in the Matthew Gerhard Alumni Hall at the
University and is already slated to be donated to the Smithsonian.

Attribution: Bev

Joke of the Day (kind of)

TO: Honorable Secretary of Agriculture

       Washington, D.C.

Dear Sir,

My friend, Bubba Peterson, over at Alexandria, LA, received a check for $1,000 from you guys in the government for not raising hogs. So, I want to go into the “not raising hogs” business next year.

What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to raise hogs on, and what is the best breed of hogs not to raise?

 I want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in keeping with all governmental policies. I would prefer not to raise razorbacks, but if that is not a good breed not to raise, then I will just as gladly not raise Yorkshires or Durocs.

As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be in keeping an accurate inventory of how many hogs I haven’t raised.

My friend, Peterson, is very joyful about the future of the business. He has been raising hogs for twenty years or so, and the best he ever made on them was $422 in 1968, until this year when he got your check for $1000 for not raising hogs.

If I get $1000 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2000 for not raising 100 hogs? I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4000 hogs not raised, which will mean about $80,000 the first year. Then I can afford an airplane.

Now another thing, these hogs I will not raise will not eat 100,000 bushels of corn. I understand that you also pay farmers for not growing corn and wheat. Will I qualify for payments for not growing wheat and corn not to feed the 4000 hogs I am not going to raise?

Also, I am considering the “not milking cows” business, so send me any information you have on that too.

In view of these circumstances, you understand that I will be totally unemployed and plan to file for unemployment and food stamps. Be assured you will have my vote in the coming election.

Patriotically Yours,

Mr. Smith

P.S. Would you please notify me when you plan to distribute more free cheese.

Attribution: Karen

How’s the Air up There?

Standing five foot six inches tall he was was well within the boundaries of normal.

But, in his mind’s eye, this New Yorker, who wants to be known only as Apotheosis, saw himself in a different light, as a statuesque six foot.

Desperate to become the man he believed he should be, the determined 37-year-old turned to drastic measures- undergoing agonising, expensive surgery.

The procedure, in which both legs are broken and then slowly stretched, bears more than a little resemblance to medieval torture.

But the brave patient has now achieved a remarkable six inches of extra height.

‘Apotheosis’ explained: “I realized that the world looked at me a certain way that I didn’t look at myself in that certain way.”

“I wanted the way I felt about myself and the way the world felt about me to be similar.”

In some cultures the painful and expensive procedure is seen as an investment in the future.

The trend for limb-lengthening surgery swept China where minimum heights are often quoted in personal and job advertisements as the country opened up to the West a decade ago. To join the foreign service men are required to be at least five foot seven. But the controversial surgery was banned in 2006 after a succession of botched jobs.

Meanwhile a ‘growing’ number of men are pursuing limb-lengthening operations in the U.S.

Florida based orthopedic surgeon Dr Dror Paley is one of few U.S. doctors to have completed the cosmetic procedure.

The surgeon, who works at the Paley Institute at St. Mary’s Medical Center in West Palm Beach, last year performed 650 leg-lengthening surgeries, most but not all to remedy deformities.

Dr Paley said: ‘The majority who come for cosmetic limb lengthening have what we call, height dysphoria. They’re unhappy with their height.

“It’s one of the few psychologic-psychiatric disorders that you can actually cure with the knife.”

The surgery is not for the faint-hearted. The leg bone is broken in two. The doctor then implants a state-of-the-art telescopic rod into the cartilage of the bone which then pulls it apart very gradually, one millimeter a day.

New living bone grows along it to fill the gap and the muscles, nerves, the arteries, and the skin, also renew themselves.

The cost is a prohibitive at $85,000, and takes at least three months to complete. Gruelling physical therapy is essential.

Apotheosis travelled to Germany for his surgery and has first generation implants that are extended by the body’s movement rather than remote control.

He is still recovering and is reluctant to speak too soon of success. He told ABC News:  “I am still lengthening right now and there could be further complications so I don’t want to talk about it until it’s been successful.”

On makemetaller.org a candid internet discussion board for those considering surgery he advises: “I am not telling anyone they should do this surgery, but I am laying out my experiences and the risks that I have taken and the successes that I have had and let people make their own decision,” he said.

But he says he already feels like a new man.

“When I walk down the street a different person perceived differently by the world for the rest of my life, you know, I am who I want to be now,” he said.

The online nickname Apotheosis, comes from the Greek to become godlike, in the sense of being the best you can be.

“And that’s kind of what I want? And I am not trying to be godlike; I am trying to be the best me that I can be.”

Attribution: Daily Mail

Joke of the Day

At a nursing home a group of seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments. “My arms have gotten so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee,” said one.

“Yes, I know,” said another. “My cataracts are so bad I can’t even see my coffee.”

“I couldn’t even mark an ‘X’ at election time, my hands are so crippled,” volunteered a third.

“What? Speak up! What? I can’t hear you!” said a fourth.

“I can’t turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck,” said a fifth, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.

“My blood pressure pills make me so dizzy I can hardly walk!” exclaimed another.

“I forget where I am, and where I’m going,” said an elderly gent.

“I guess that’s the price we pay for getting old,” winced an old man as he slowly shook his head. The others nodded in agreement.

“Well, count your blessings,” said one woman cheerfully, “thankfully, we can all still drive.”

Take the Shot

A high school basketball enthusiast, who contracted a potentially fatal illness and fell into a coma, astounded doctors when she continued to shoot hoops in her comatose state.

Maggie Meier fell ill in 2008 and was admitted to a hospital after suffering a seizure.

The student at Blue Valley Northwest High School in Overland Park, Kansas was found to have mycoplasma meningoencephalitis, a form of meningitis which causes swelling on the brain.

The teenager fell into a coma for almost three months during which time she was moved every two to three hours to prevent her limbs stiffening up.

To remind her of who she was, the family placed a basketball in Maggie’s hands when she was seated upright in a wheelchair. Amazingly, the young woman’s reflexes kicked in and she started shooting hoops.

Dr William Graf, Meier’s neurologist said, “The act of shooting a basketball must have been ingrained as one of Maggie’s basic instincts, her basketball shooting motion came back to her even before she was able to stand up or walk again.”

On the road to recovery: Maggie Meier had to relearn how to walk, speak and read after spending several months in a coma.

During the girl’s extended stint in the hospital, she would shoot a few hoops, then fall back into a comatose state.

Since coming out of her coma, the high school student has had to relearn every facet of her daily life – how to walk, speak and read.

During her stay in the hospital, Maggie’s fellow players on the school team the Huskies and coach David Glenn kept a chair by the court which said ‘reserved for Maggie Meier’ on the back.

On Monday, she returned to the court after almost four years spent recovering.

She said, “When I’m out there, I don’t think about it that much… But when I do think about it, it’s pretty awesome.”

After graduating high school, Miss Meier plans to go to Benedictine College in Kansas and study for a degree in special education.

Mycoplasma meningoencephalitis is a bacterial disease which causes inflammation of the brain.

Although the condition is reversible and patients can make a full recovery, in certain cases the illness can be fatal.

Attribution: UK Daily Mail

Ode to Obama

From: Madeleine Morgenstern of The Blaze:

Kindergarteners at a Texas elementary school were sent home with lyrics to a pro-President Barack Obama song that included such lines as, “Barack Obama is the man” and “He’s our man, yes we can!”

The song, part of a Black History Month program, was forwarded from a parent at Tipps Elementary School in Houston to Joe “Pags” Pagliarulo, a nationally syndicated radio host and frequent fill-in for Glenn Beck. Included with the lyrics was an apparent memo to kindergarten teachers that said kindergarteners would be “required” to learn the chant for the program [all spelling errors below are original]:

Team:
Attached is a chant about President Barack Obama. All Kindergarteners will be required to learn the chant for the Black History program. Please write how many you will need. Keep one copy to practice with students at school.

Thanks,
Mary Stovall
Bridgette Babineaux

The Barack Obama Song

Who is our 44th President?
Obama is our 44th President
Who is a DC resident?
Obama is a DC resident
Resident, President

Who’s favorite team is the Chicago White Sox?
Obama’s favorite team is the Chicago White sox
Who really thinks outside the box?
Obama really thinks outside the box
Outside the box, Chicago White Sos
Resident, President

Who really likes to play basketball?
Obama really likes to play basketball
Who’s gonna answer our every call?
Every Call, Basketball
Outside the box, Chicago White Sox
Resident, President

Who’s famous slogan is Yes we can?
Obama’s famous slogan is Yes we can
Who do we know is the man?
Barack Obama is the man
He’s our man, Yes we can!
Every Call, Basketvall
Outside the box, Chicago White Sox
Resident, President

Who won a grammy for “Dreams of my Father”?
Obama won a grammy for “Dreams of my Father”?
Now can you guess who’s a famous author
Barack Obama is a famous author

End Article

Editors notes: Teachers wrote this thing? Don’t they at least have spellcheck?

Are these kids American school children or are these Hitler Youth? I’ll bet they know more about Obama than George Washington.

I personally don’t recall reading about George playing hoops, but maybe it’s written somewhere.

To the two dimwitted Teachers; the book is, “Dreams from my Father”, not “Dreams of my Father”.

And lest you forgot, this is not the first anthem from the growing Obama hymnal.

Do you recall this masterpiece from 2009?

Mm, mmm, mm!
Barack Hussein Obama

He said that all must lend a hand
To make this country strong again
Mmm, mmm, mm!
Barack Hussein Obama

He said we must be fair today
Equal work means equal pay
Mmm, mmm, mm!
Barack Hussein Obama

He said that we must take a stand
To make sure everyone gets a chance
Mmm, mmm, mm!
Barack Hussein Obama

He said red, yellow, black or white
All are equal in his sight
Mmm, mmm, mm!
Barack Hussein Obama

Yes!
Mmm, mmm, mm
Barack Hussein Obama

Still don’t think our kids are being indoctrinated?

Joke of the Day

David received a parrot for his birthday.

The parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an obscenity. Those that weren’t expletives, were to say the least, rude.

David tried hard to change the bird’s attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back. He shocked the bird and the bird just got angrier and ruder.

Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the bird in the freezer, just for a few moments. He heard the bird squawk and kick and scream-then suddenly, there was quiet.

David was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door.

The parrot calmly stepped out and said “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’ll endeavor at once to correct my behavior. I really am truly sorry and beg your forgiveness.”

David was astonished at the bird’s change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued, “May I ask, what did the chicken do?”

Where are They Now?

Has anyone heard the caterwauling from the democrats about high gas prices lately. Wonder why that is?

Nancy Pelosi, May, 2007:

Hillary Clinton, May, 2008:

From Frank “The Laut” Lautenberg (D-NJ), April, 2008: “This week, the price of oil and gasoline both hit new record highs – almost $120 for a barrel of oil and more than $3.50 a gallon for gas. These out-of-control prices mean that hundreds of thousands of Americans are driving to work and spending too much of their day just earning back the cost of their commute. The American people deserve to know why this happened,” Lautenberg said.

He added, “It’s long past time to change our national priorities. We know there’s little hope that President Bush will suddenly wake up and see the light. But unfortunately, his Republican allies in Congress continue to stand by his side, with the oil and energy companies – for the status quo and against the American people… The best way to ensure that gas prices remain high is to vote Republican this fall.”

Democrats and the Media on high gas prices, 2012:

Evidently the “American People” don’t deserve to know what is now happening.

With gas prices higher than they’ve ever been at this time of the year (doesn’t bode well for the summer) and the dems controlling two thirds of the government, how would Frank have us vote this November?

Excuse me Dear, Can You Pass the Beaker

The world’s first test-tube burger will be ready to eat within months.

It will look, feel and, it is hoped, taste, like a regular quarter-pounder, its creator Mark Post told the world’s premier science conference.

He plans to unveil the hamburger in October – and hopes celebrity chef Heston Blumenthal will cook it, although he has yet to approach him.

The ‘ethical meat’ will would be kinder to the environment than the real thing, reduce animal suffering and help feed the world’s burgeoning population.

But it will be far from cheap with the prototype burger costing £220,000 ($350,000) to produce.

Professor Post says that ‘everyone’ will want to eat the burgers, which, despite their vast initial cost could eventually be priced to match that of real meat.

However, it remains to be seen whether a public that likes to think of its chops, steaks and sausages as having their roots in nature will take to meat made in test-tubes.

The Maastricht University professor has spent the last six years trying to turn stem cells – ‘master cells’ with the power to turn into all other cell types – into meat.

His first attempts involved mouse burgers. He then tried to grow pork in a dish, producing strips with the rubbery texture of squid or scallops, before settling on beef.

A four-step technique is used to turn stem cells from animal flesh into a burger.

 

First, the stem cells are stripped from the cow’s muscle.

Next, they are incubated in a nutrient broth until they multiply many times over, creating a sticky tissue with the consistency of an undercooked egg.

This ‘wasted muscle’ is then bulked up through the laboratory equivalent of exercise – it is anchored to Velcro and stretched.

Finally, 3,000 strips of the lab-grown meat are minced, and, along with 200 pieces of lab-grown animal fat, formed into a burger.

The process is still lengthy, as well as expensive, but optimised, it could take just six weeks from stem cell to supermarket shelf.

Yesterday, Professor Post told the American Association for the Advancement of Science’s annual conference in Vancouver that he has so far made a strip of beef measuring 3cm (1-3/16″) by 1.5cm (9/16″) by 0.5cm (3/16″).

This beef is ‘pinkish to yellow’ in colour – but he is confident of having a full-sized and properly coloured burger by the autumn.

The professor, who is funded by an anonymous but highly-successful benefactor, said: ‘It’s not quite ready, it’s going to be presented in October.

‘We are going to provide a proof of concept, showing that out of stem cells you can produce a product that looks like and feels like and hopefully tastes like meat.

‘Seeing and tasting is believing.’ Sausages and other processed meat products could swiftly follow, although pork chops and sirloin steaks will be much more problematic.

Other possibilities include synthetic versions of the meat from are animals such as pandas and tigers.

Meats could also be made extra-healthy by boosting their content of ‘good’ fats.

Far fewer animals would have to be kept to satisfy the appetite for meat.

The stem cell’s extraordinary ability to grow and multiply means that a cells taken from a single cow could produce a million times more burgers than if the animal was slaughtered for meat.

Researchers say they realise that many will find the idea of eating lab-grown meat unnatural – but point out that the livestock eaten at the moment is often kept in cramped conditions and dosed with chemicals or antibiotics.

However, the fact that the source material comes from animals who will likely have slaughtered means that not all vegetarians will be happy with the product.

The fledgling technology was highlighted in discussion paper about current and future demands on livestock production published recently by the Royal Society, Britain’s most prestigious scientific body.

The paper’s author, Professor Philip Thornton, of the International Livestock Research Institute in Edinburgh, wrote: ‘This is one example of something that could happen in the future that could have a very big impact on agriculture and livestock production.

‘There are some advantages to the idea. For example, you could reduce the number of live animals substantially and that would reduce greenhouse gas production.

‘There might be human health benefits because the health and safety issues associated with meat could be much better controlled.

‘But are people going to eat it? People’s tastes have changed a lot over the years and eventually this may be something that is widely taken up.’

Cautioning about the economic impact on farmers, the professor said: ‘If you are talking about large-scale reductions in numbers of livestock, there are large-scale implications and we’d have to look very carefully to see if the benefits would outweigh some of the problems that might arise.’

It will be at least ten years before the artificial meat is produced on an industrial scale and has satisfied the safety testing necessary for it be placed on supermarket shelves.

Attribution: Daily Mail

It’s a Miracle

FOUR OLD ITALIAN LADIES
These four older ladies who lived in Italy always sat outside together near the church and chatted about when they were younger.

One month ago they pooled their money together and bought a laptop.
Never having been, but having heard all about Florida, they just happened to click on St. Augustine, FL.

They read about the “Fountain of Youth” claimed by the Spaniards when they arrived there. They collected up all they had left and sent for four bottles of the water. As soon as it arrived, they drank as directed. The rest of this story will make you a believer, because . . .

Here they are today, Elixir in hand…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No . . . This is TRUE! Really! Would we lie to you?

We have a limited supply of this miracle panacea available at an incredibly low price of just
$1,499.95 a bottle.

Seriously . . . HURRY BEFORE THE INVENTORY RUNS OUT!!!!

Make checks payable to:
“Democratic National Committee To Re-Elect Obama”
(You can trust us; we would NEVER lie to you!)

Attribution: Bev