They’re short, so take two.
Doctor: “I have some bad news and some very bad news.”
Patient: “Well, might as well give me the bad news first.”
Doctor: “The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.”
Patient: “24 HOURS! That’s terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What’s the VERY bad news?”
Doctor: “I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.”
A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window… “Pull over!”
“No,” she shouts back, “a pair of socks!”