A true story from an Irish Sunday School teacher:
I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday School class to see if they understood the concept of getting to Heaven.
I asked them, “If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?”
“NO!” the children answered.
“If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden and kept everything tidy, would that get me into Heaven?”
Again, they all answered, “NO!”
“If I gave sweets to all the children and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?”
Again, they all answered, “NO!”
I was just bursting with pride for them. I continued, “Then how can I get into Heaven?”
A little boy shouted out, “YUV GOTTA BE FREAKIN DEAD!”
Attribution: Fred