Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was ‘shut up’.
I don’t feel old.
I don’t feel anything until noon.
Then it’s time for my nap.
A woman drove me to drink …
and I hadn’t even the courtesy to thank her.
It takes only one drink to get me drunk.
The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.