A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends
$15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news
stand to buy a newspaper.
Before leaving, she says to the clerk, “I hope you don’t mind my asking,
but how old do you think I am?.”
“About 32,” is the reply.
“Nope! I’m exactly 50,” the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl
the very same question.
The girl replies, “I’d guess about 29.”
The woman replies with a big smile, “Nope, I’m 50.”
Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop
on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints
and asks the assistant the same burning question.
The clerk responds, “Oh, I’d say 30.”
Again she proudly responds, “I’m 50, but thank you!”
Later, while waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting
next to her the same question.
He replies, “Lady, I’m 82 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was
young there was a sure-fire way to tell the true age of a woman. It
might sound very forward, but it requires you to allow me put my hands
under your bra. Then, and only then, can I tell you exactly how old you
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the
better of her. She finally blurts out, “What the heck, go ahead, feel away.”
He slips both of his hands under her blouse, unclasps her bra and begins
to feel around very slowly. He bounces and weighs each breast, pushes
her breasts together and rubs them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, “Okay, okay … how old am I?’”
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands and
says, “Madam, you are 50.”
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, “That was incredible, how could you
“I was standing behind you at McDonald’s.”