Wow what a morning yesterday was …
8:00am I made a snowman.
8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a snow woman.
8:15 So, I made a snow woman.
8:17 The nanny of the neighbors complained about the snow woman’s voluptuous chest.
8:20 The gay couple living nearby grumbled that it should have been two snowmen instead.
8:25 The vegans across the street complained about the nose. Carrots are for food, not for decorating snow figures.
8:28 I am being called a racist because the snow couple is white.
8:31 The Muslim guy across the road wants the snow woman to wear a niqab.
8:40 Someone calls the cops. They show up to see what’s going on.
8:42 I’m told that the snowman’s broomstick has to be removed because it could be used as a deadly weapon.
8:47 Things get worse after I mutter, “Yeah, if it’s up your butt.”
8:52 My phone and broomstick are then seized and I’m taken away in a police car.
8:53 My neighbors are cheering.
9:00 I’m on the news as a suspected terrorist bent on stirring up trouble during this difficult weather.
9:10 I am asked if I have any accomplices.
9:29 A little known jihadist group has claimed it was their plot.
Moral of the story: When it’s this cold, stay inside and remember when America was great.