I used to think I was just a regular guy, but …
I was born white, which now, whether I like it or not, makes me a racist.
I am a fiscal and moral conservative, which by today’s standards, makes me a fascist.
I am heterosexual, which according to gay folks, now makes me a homophobic.
I am non-union, which makes me a traitor to the working class and an ally of big business.
I am a Christian, which now labels me as an Islamophobe.
I believe in the 2nd and 4th Amendments, which now makes me a member of the vast gun lobby.
I think and I reason, therefore I doubt much that the main stream media tells me, which must make me a reactionary.
I am proud of my heritage and our inclusive American culture, which makes me a xenophobe.
I value my safety and that of my family and I appreciate the police and the legal system, which makes me a right-wing extremist.
I believe in hard work, fair play and fair compensation according to each individual’s merits, which today makes me an evil capitalist.
I believe in the defense and protection of the homeland for and by all citizens, which now makes me a militant.
Recently, a sick, old woman called me and my friends “a basket of deplorables.”
And if all this wasn’t enough to deal with, I’m now afraid to go into either restroom!