Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, “Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami.” She said, “We can’t do that!” I told her, “You did it last week!”
A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn’t pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.
The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, “Mrs. Cohen, your check came back.” Mrs. Cohen answered, “So did my arthritis!”
“Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do?” The doctor says, “Limp!”
A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, “You’ve been brought here for drinking.” The drunk says, “Okay, let’s get started.”
A bum told me, “I haven’t tasted food all week.” I told him, “Don’t worry, it still tastes the same!”
