How To Speak Redneck
BARD – verb. Past tense of the infinitive “to borrow.”
Usage: “My brother bard my pickup truck.”
JAWJUH – noun. A highly flammable state just north of
Florida.
Usage: “My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck.”
MUNTS – noun. A calendar division.
Usage: “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I
aint herd from him in munts.”
IGNERT – adjective. Not smart. See “Auburn Alumni.”
Usage: “Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!”
RANCH – noun. A tool.
Usage: “I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup
truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago.”
ALL – noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: “I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my
pickup truck.”
FAR – noun. A conflagration.
Usage: “If my brother from Jawjuh doesn’t change the all in
my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far.”
BAHS – noun. A supervisor.
Usage: “If you don’t stop reading these Southern words and
git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!”
TAR – noun. A rubber wheel.
Usage: “Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh doesn’t
git a flat tar in my pickup truck.”
TIRE – noun. A tall monument.
Usage: “Lord willing and the creeks don’t rise, I sure do
hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime.”
HOT – noun. A blood-pumping organ.
HOD – adverb. Not easy.
Usage: “A broken hot is hod to fix.”
RETARD – Verb. To stop working.
Usage: “My granpaw retard at age 65.”
TARRED – adverb. Exhausted.
Usage: “I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are
tarred.”
RATS – noun. Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: “We Southerners are willing to fight for out rats.”
LOT – adjective. Luminescent.
Usage: “I dream of Jeanie in the lot-brown hair.”
FARN – adjective. Not local.
Usage: “I cudnt unnerstand a wurd he sed … must be from
some farn country.”
DID – adjective. Not alive.
Usage: “He’s did, JimBob.”
EAR – noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in
LA).
Usage: “He can’t breathe … give ’em some ear!”
BOB WAR – noun. A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: “Boy, stay away from that bob war fence.”
JU-HERE – a question.
Usage: “Juhere that former Dallas Cowboys’ coach Jimmy
Johnson recently toured the University of Alabama?”
HAZE – a contraction.
Usage: “Is Bubba smart?” “Nah … haze ignert.”
SEED – verb, past tense.
VIEW – contraction: verb and pronoun.
Usage: “I ain’t never seed New York City … view?”
HEAVY DEW – phrase. A request for action.
Usage: “Kin I heavy dew me a favor?”
GUMMIT – Noun. An often-closed bureaucratic institution.
Usage: “Great … ANOTHER gummit shutdown!”
