from the American Spectator:
UFOs Get Realer
A satirical take on the Pentagon declassifying three new videos last month.
Science is real. UFOS are realer.
The Pentagon confirmed it late last month. They declassified three UFO videos. Only they weren’t UFOS — they were UAPs [Unidentified Aerial Phenomena]. That’s military lingo for UFOs. Defense doesn’t like to say UFOs. It makes them sound kooky. Kooky gets in the way of military procurement. You need gravitas when you ask for $718 billion. UFOs are anti-gravitas.
Which is why on April 27 the Pentagon felt put out when it released those three videos of UAPs, or Unidentified Aerial Phenomena, and admitted they’re real and they’re spectacular, to borrow a Seinfeld phrase. But never mind — “Look over there! A pandemic!”
The military’s troubles started with a 1947 memo: “AMC Opinion Concerning ‘Flying Discs.’ ” It was written by Lt. Gen. Twining. Nobody asked for the memo. His mission was to find a new way from Guam to D.C. via Europe. But something happened on that flight, something involving flying discs. The Army’s response went something like this: “Cockpit time: 59 hours, 30 minutes. Result: Loose screw … and we don’t mean the aeroplane.” That memo opened the floodgates. Since then the U.S. military has been playing whack-a-mole with UFO programs. Soon as they shut down one, some joker starts another.
But dammit if Twining hadn’t been right. U.S. military pilots have been seeing flying discs. It’s almost like these UAPs are an advance scouting party for an oncoming invasion by silicon-based lizard beings from the Sunflower Galaxy, which is totally just hearsay, and there isn’t a specimen at Area 51.
Tom DeLonge, one-time lead singer of Blink-182, is officially considered by the CIA an “enema of the state.” Actually, enemy of the state. They called him at his Paris hotel while he was on tour and said, “Please don’t make us make you an enemy of the state, which is what you’ll be if you don’t cut it out with this UFO crap.” But DeLonge, whose hearing had been impaired by his music, heard “enema of the state,” liked it, and named his third album after it. (Of course, just like everything else in ufology, wacky theories abound. So if you don’t believe me on this, check Wikipedia. It’s reliable. Sometimes.) “Enema of the State” sold 15 million copies and went five times platinum. The CIA remains sorry it ever called.