Joke of the Day

Three blondes were taking a walk in the country when they came upon a line of tracks. The first blonde said, “Those must be deer tracks”!

The second blonde said, “No, stupid, anyone can tell those are rabbit tracks”! The third blondie said, “No, you idiots, those are horse tracks!”

They where still arguing 10 minutes later when a train hit them.

Joke of the Day

Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, “You see that Indian?”

“Yeah,” says the other cowboy.

“Look,” says the first one, “He’s listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction.”

Just then the Indian looks up. “Covered wagon,” he says, “about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon.”

“Incredible!” says the cowboy to his friend. “How does this Indian know how far away they are, how many horses, what color they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon? Amazing!”

The Indian looks up and says, “Ran me over about a half hour ago.”

Joke of the Day

Ok, I thought this funny altough COMPLETELY untrue.


A family went to a hospital, where one of their relatives would be having a brain transplant.

One of the relatives asked, “What will the cost of a new brain be?” The doctor replied, “A female brain costs $25,000 and a male brain costs $50,000.”

The men smirked, but one of the females asked, “Why is that, doctor?” “Well,” the doctor replied,” the female brain is less because it has been used.”

Joke du Jour

It all began with an iPhone…

March was when our son celebrated his 17th birthday, and we got him an iPhone. He just loved it. Who wouldn’t?

I celebrated my birthday in July, and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad.

Our daughter’s birthday was in August so we got her an iPod Touch.

My wife celebrated her birthday in September so I got her an iRon.

It was around then that the fight started…

What my wife failed to recognize is that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean.

This inevitably activates the iNag reminder service.

I should be out of the hospital next week!!

Attribution: Karen

Joke of the Day

Cash, check or charge?” the cashier asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

As the woman fumbled for her wallet, the cashier noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

“Do you always carry your TV remote?” the cashier asked.

“No,” she replied. “But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him.”

Joke of the Day

This duck walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk, “Do you have any grapes?”

The clerk says no, and the duck leaves. The next day, the duck returns and asks, “Do you have any grapes?” The clerk again says no, and the duck leaves.

The day after that, the duck walks in the store again and asks “Do you have any grapes?” The clerk screams at the duck, “You’ve come in here the past two days and asked if we had any grapes. I’ve told you no, every time. We don’t have any grapes!

I swear if you come back in here again, and ask for grapes, I’ll nail your webbed feet to the floor!!” The duck left, and returned the next day. This time he asked, “Do you have any nails?”

The clerk replied, “No,” and the duck said, “Good! Got any grapes?”

Joke of the Day

There was a knock on the door this morning.

I opened it to find a young, well-dressed man standing there who said:

“Hello, sir, I’m a Jehovah’s Witness.”

So I said, “Come in and sit down.”

I offered him a fresh cup of coffee and asked “What do you want to talk about?

He said, “Beats the hell out of me, I’ve never gotten this far before.”

Attribution: Karen

Joke of the Day

Two golfers were having a drink at their country club. “I heard about your terrible tragedy last week,” said one.

“Yes,” said the other sadly, sipping his drink. “I was playing a two-some with Winthrop, and he had a heart attack right there on the ninth green.”

“I understand you carried him all the way back to the clubhouse too,” the first man said sympathetically. “That must have been very difficult, considering Winthrop weighed over two hundred and fifty pounds.”

“The carrying wasn’t that hard. It was putting him down at every stroke, then picking him up again that wore me out.”

Joke of the Day

In church on Sunday, I overheard the little old lady in the pew next to me saying a short private prayer.

It was so sweet and sincere that I just
had to share it with you:

Dear Lord,

These past couple of years have been tough…. You have taken my favorite
Actor, Patrick Swayze.

You’ve taken my favorite actress, Elizabeth Taylor and my favorite cowboy James Arness.

You’ve taken my favorite athlete Bob Feller, my favorite singer Lena Horne and my favorite salesman Billy Mays.

I just wanted you to know that my

favorite president is…

Barack Obama.

Amen!!

Witz des Tages

Barack Obama met with the German Chancellor, Angela Merkel. He asked her, “Chancellor, how do you run such a tight ship around here? Are there… any tips you can give to me?”
‎”Well,” said Merkel, “the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.” Obama frowned, and then asked, “But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?”

The Chancellor said, “Oh, that’s easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle.” She pushed a button on her intercom. “Please … send in Vice Chancellor Philipp Roesler, would you?”

Mr. Roesler walked into the room and said, “Yes, Ma’am?” Merkel smiled and said, “Answer me this please, Philipp. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?”
Without pausing for a moment, the Vice Chancellor answered, “That would be me.”
“Yes! Very good,” said the Chancellor.

Obama went back home and ask Vice President Joe Biden the same question. “Joe, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It’s not your brother and it’s not your sister. Who is it?” “I’m not sure,” said Biden. “Let me get back to you on that one…” He went to his advisors and asked every one, but none could give him an answer.

Finally, he ran into Herman Cain eating out one night. Biden asked, “Herman, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it’s not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”
Immediately Cain answered back, “That’s easy, it’s me!”

Biden smiled, and said, “Thanks!” Then, he went back to speak with Obama. “Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It’s Herman Cain!”
Obama got up, stomped over to Biden, and angrily yelled into his face, “No! You idiot! It’s Philipp Roesler!”