A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, “Is there a problem, Officer?”
“No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations.
A Catholic priest and a rabbi were chatting one day when the conversation turned to a discussion of job descriptions and promotions.
“What do you have to look forward to in terms of being promoted?” asked the rabbi.
“Well, I’m next in line for the Monsignor’s job,” replied the priest.
“Yes, and then what?” asked the rabbi.
“Well, next I can become a bishop.”
Another Pearl of Wisdom from Fred the Joke Man:
My old Grandpa said to me, “Son, there comes a time in every man’s life when he stops bustin’ knuckles and starts bustin’ caps and usually it’s when he becomes too old to take a whoopin’.” I don’t carry a gun to kill people; I carry a gun to keep from being killed.
I don’t carry a gun because I’m evil; I carry a gun because I have lived long enough to see the evil in the World.
I don’t carry a gun because I hate the government; I carry a gun because I understand the limitations of government.