I was walking home late at night and decided to take a short cut through the cemetery. Three girls walked up to me and explained that they were scared to walk past the cemetery at night, so I agreed to let them walk along with me. I told them, “I understand, I used to get freaked out too when I was alive.” Never seen anyone run so fast.
A German Shepherd, a Labrador Retriever and a very pampered Bichon Frise all died and stood in front of God at the entrance to the Kingdom of Heaven. God asked all three of them what they believed in.
The Shepherd said, “I believe in discipline, training and loyalty to my owner.”
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. Both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself “I must be losing it; I could have sworn we just went through a red light.”
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store.
The parrot said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” Well, the lady is furious!
She stormed past the store to her work.