Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
~Alex Levine
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was ‘shut up’.
~Joe Namath read more
Santa Claus has the right idea …
Visit people only once a year.
~Victor Borge
What would men be without women?
Scarce, sir .. mighty scarce.
~Mark Twain read more
Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours. – Yogi Berra
A child is a curly, dimpled lunatic. – Ralph Waldo Emerson
The first man to compare the cheeks of a young woman to a rose was obviously a poet; the first to repeat it was possibly an idiot. – Salvador Dali read more
I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. – Demetri Martin
The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion. – Fred Allen
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said ‘Parking Fine.’ – Tommy Cooper read more
Senior citizens are constantly being criticized for every conceivable deficiency of the modern world, real or imaginary. We know we take responsibility for all we have done and do not try to blame others.
However, upon reflection, we would like to point out that it was not Senior Citizens who took:
The melody out of music,
The pride out of appearance,
The courtesy out of driving,
The romance out of love,
The commitment out of marriage,
The responsibility out of parenthood,
The togetherness out of the family,
The learning out of education,
The service out of patriotism,
The Golden Rule from rulers, read more
Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Home Depot when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy, “Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.” read more
Tyrone was having trouble in school; his teacher was always yelling at him, “You’re driving me crazy, Tyrone; can’t you learn anything?
One day Tyrone’s mother came to school to see how he was doing. The teacher told her honestly that her son was simply a disaster, getting very low marks, and that she had never had such an unmotivated and ignorant boy in her entire teaching career. Tyrone’s mom, shocked at the feedback, withdrew her son from school and moved out of Detroit, relocating to Cleveland. read more
1. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
2. A day without sunshine is like … night.
3. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. read more
1. The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the biscuit.
2. The last thing on earth you want to do … will be the last thing you do.
3. Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way. read more
