by: the Common Constitutionalist
Well – it’s starting. In cities across the country, Mayors, City Council members and other various nanny-legislators are attempting to snuff out (pun intended) something quintessentially American – the backyard barbecue.
For centuries, millennia even, man has cooked his yummy meat products over an open flame while enjoying the great outdoors, as well as the aroma of said yummy meat products.
Yet in January of this year the AP wrote: “The booming popularity of outdoor kitchens among homeowners in the San Francisco Bay area has an increasing number of their neighbors coughing and hacking from the smoke, leading air-quality officials to consider tightening rules on wood-burning pizza ovens and smokers.”
Well, I thought they were just talking about the old Weber grill, but in San Francisco, they can’t settle for just some old grill. They instead must have an outdoor kitchen. You’ve probably seen these things. They are literally luxury kitchens constructed in one’s backyard. A lot of these setups are more expensive than your average home elsewhere in the country.
Yet the nannies in San Francisco won’t stop there – they can’t. Their proclivity for controlling our lives won’t allow them to. The “tightening rules” will inevitably lead to an all-out ban on grilling of any kind. Oh, I suppose one could have an EPA sanctioned scrubber installed on your grill, like the ones installed on coal-fired power plants, but that might be both impractical and a bit pricey.
Instead of a scrubber, residents might just take their chances at covert barbecuing – maybe at 2 AM light off or something. But watch out, for the fines proposed will be $100 for first timers and $500 or more for repeat offenders – each offense. Then after that, I suppose the Bobbies will cart you off to prison for a little “grilling” under the bright interrogation lights.