Joke of the Day

An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get super chickenprepared for an emergency landing.

A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.

“All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except for one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards.”

Joke of the Day

A man with earringman is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.

This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in “fashion sense.”

The man walks up to him and says, “I didn’t know you were into earrings.”

“Don’t make such a big deal out of this, it’s only an earring,” he replies sheepishly.

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, “So, how long have you been wearing one?”

“Ever since my wife found it in my truck…”

Joke of the Day

Mr. Johnson walked anxiously to the house and knocked.

putty tatWhen a nice old lady answered, he said sadly, “I’m sorry, madam, but I have some bad news.

I’m afraid I have run over your cat.   I… would like to replace it.”

The little lady looked him up and down and said, “I’m game, but how good are you at catching mice?”

Joke of the Day

A soldier was asked to repBugsort to headquarters for assignment. The sergeant said: “We have a critical shortage of typists. I’ll give you a little test. Type this,” he ordered, giving him a pamphlet to copy and a sheet of paper, and pointing to a desk across the room that held a typewriter and an adding machine.

The man, quite reluctant to become a clerk typist, made a point of typing very slowly, and saw to it that his work contained as many errors as possible.
The sergeant gave the typed copy only a brief glance.
“That’s fine,” he said; “Report for work at 8 tomorrow.”
“But aren’t you going to check the test?” the prospective clerk asked.
The sergeant grinned. “You passed the test,” he replied, “when you sat down at the typewriter instead of at the adding machine.”

Joke of the Day

A teacher asked her students to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence. Mary said, “My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating.”

boating schoolThe teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted the word “fascinate.”

Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated.”

The teacher said, “Good, but I wanted the word ‘fascinate.'”

Little Billy raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Billy was noted for is bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate” so she called on him.

Billy said, “My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten 8.”

Joke of the Day

A film crew is on location in Kenya, when a tribal shaman approaches the director and says, “Tomorrow rain.” The director pays no attention, but the following day it pours and shooting has to be delayed.bugs witch doctor

That night, the director sends his assistant to bring the shaman back. “What will be the weather tomorrow?” asks the director.

“Bigger rain tomorrow, much wind,” and sure enough a terrible storm once again delays the filming.

But then the witch doctor disappears for a week and the director, now depending on him, sends his people out to find him and bring him back to camp.

Finally, he is located and brought to the director’s tent. “What will be the weather tomorrow?” asks the director in desperation.

“No idea,” says the shaman, “Radio batteries dead.”

Joke of the Day

Charlie was playing with his little brother Mickey when the little boy asked whether he could fly like Superman.wile-e-coyote

“Sure you can, Mickey,” Charlie said, “Just flap your arms really really hard.”

So Mickey climbed up on the windowsill, started flapping like mad, jumped, then smashed into the ground below.

Horrified, their mother came screaming into the room and said, “What the heck happened?!?”

Charlie said, “I was just teaching Mickey not to believe everything someone tells him.”

Joke of the Day

Bugs DaffyA mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, Ryan, 3.

The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.

“If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, ‘Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait.'”

 

Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, “Ryan, you be Jesus!”

Joke of the Day

A man who absolSylvesterutely hated his wife’s cat decided to get rid of  him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him  at the park.

As he was nearing home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

The next day, he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away and try  the same thing.

As we was driving back into his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat farther and farther away, but the darn cat   would always beat him home.

At last, he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then   left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and he left the cat there.

Hours later, the man calls home to his wife: “Jen, is the cat   there?”

“Yes,” the wife answers.  “Why do you ask?”

Frustrated, the man answers:  “Put that damn cat on the phone. I’m  lost and I need directions!”