Joke of the Day

General Amalgamated Industries, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.

He asked the guy, “How much money do you make a week?” A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, “I make $400 a week. Why?”

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Joke of the Day

After Quasimodo’s death, the bishop sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bellringer was needed. The bishop decided to conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills (or lack thereof), he decided to call it a day when a lone, armless man announced that he was there to apply for the bellringer’s job.

The bishop was incredulous. “You have no arms!”

“No matter,” said the man, “observe!”

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Joke of the Day

A man takes the day off work and
Decides to go out golfing.

He is on the second hole when he
Notices a frog sitting next to the green.  He thinks nothing of it and is
about to shoot when he hears,
Ribbit 9 Iron.’
The man looks around and doesn’t
see anyone.Again, he hears, ‘Ribbit 9 Iron.’ He looks at the frog and decides to
prove the frog wrong, puts the
club away, and grabs a 9 iron. read more

Joke of the Day

Canadian geese are known to fly in a “V” shaped as they migrate across the county.
The lead goose in the “V” cuts through the air making it easier for the rest of the geese behind him.
As that lead goose becomes tired, he will drop off and join one of the sides and a new lead goose will take over.
This is done several times as they are flying long distances.
So if you look up in the sky and see a “V” shape of geese and one side is longer than the other, do you know what that means?
A:(There are more geese on that side)

Joke of the Day

“Honey,” says a husband to his wife, “I invited a friend home for supper.”
 
“What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess.
 
I haven’t been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking a fancy meal!!”
 
“I know all that.” “Then why did you invite a friend for supper?”
 
“Because the poor fool’s thinking about getting married.”

Joke of the Day

A couple is arguing about who should make the coffee in the morning. The wife says, “I think your should do it because you get up first.”
He counters with, “The kitchen is your domain, and you do all the cooking so you know where everything is.
I think you should make the coffee.” “No way,” she says. “You should do it. The Bible even says so.”
“What the heck are you talking about?”
She grabs the family Bible, thumbs through, and point to the appropriate section: “Hebrews”

Joke of the Day

Little Johnny and a friend were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store.
“What’s it for?’ his friend asked. “I don’t know,” little Johnny replied.
“I think you stand on it and it makes you mad. At least it does that for my Mom and Dad.”

Joke of the Day

Her minister told an eighty-year-old woman that, at her age, she should be giving some thought to what he called “the hereafter.”
She said to him, “I think about it many times a day.”
“Oh, really?” said the minister. “That is very wise.”
“It’s not a matter of wisdom,” she replied. “It’s when I open a drawer or a closet, I ask myself, ‘What am I here after?’”

Joke of the Day

Three old ladies sit in a diner, discussing their health. One lady says, “You know, I’m getting really forgetful.

This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn’t remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down.”

The second lady says, “You think that’s bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldn’t remember whether I was going to sleep or had just woken up!”

The third lady smiles smugly. “Well, my memory is just as good as it’s always been, knock on wood,” she says as she raps on the table.

Then with a startled look on her face, she asks, “Who’s there?”

Joke of the Day

A very successful  attorney parked his brand new
Lexus in front of his
office, ready to show it off to his
colleagues. As he was getting out, a
truck came along too closely and
completely tore off the driver’s door.
Fortunately, a cop in a police car was
close enough to see the accident  and
pulled up
behind the Lexus with his lights flashing.

Before the cop had a chance
to ask any questions, the attorney started
screaming
hysterically about how his Lexus, which he had just purchased
the
day before, was completely ruined and would never be the
same, no matter how
any car body shop tried to make it new
again.

After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook
his head in
disbelief. “I can’t believe how materialistic you
lawyers are,” he said.
“You are so focused on your possessions that you
neglect the most important
things in life.”

“How can you
say such a thing?” asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, “Don’t you even
realize that your left arm is missing?  It
was severed when the
truck hit you!”

“OH, MY GOD!!!” screamed the lawyer.  “My Rolex!!”

attribution: Bev