Joke of the Day

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.The first surgeon, from New York, says, ‘I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.’

The second, from Chicago, responds, ‘Yeah, but you should try Bugselectricians!  Everything inside them is color coded.’

The third surgeon, from Dallas, says, ‘No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order.’

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: ‘You know, I like construction workers.  Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.’

But the fifth surgeon, from Washington, DC  shut them all up when he observed:  ‘You’re all wrong.  Politicians are the easiest to operate on.

There’s no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine.

Plus, the head and the ass are interchangeable.’
Attribution: Bev

Joke of the Day

There was a competition to cross the English channel doing only the breaststroke, and the Patricia Starthree women who entered the race were a brunette, a redhead and a blonde.

After approximately 14 hours, the brunette staggered up on the shore and was declared the fastest. About 40 minutes later, the redhead crawled up on the shore and was declared the second place finisher.

Nearly 4 hours after that, the blonde finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers.

When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race, she replied, “I don’t want to sound like I’m a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms…”

Joke of the Day

A 92 year-old man went to the Doctor to get a physical. A few days later the Dr. saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.

old manA couple of days later the Dr. talked to the man and said, “You’re really doing great, aren’t you?”

The man replied, “Just doing what you said Doctor, ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.”

The Doctor said, “I didn’t say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful.”

Joke of the Day

A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, “How does this boat float?Sylvester the cat

The father replied, “Don’t rightly know son.” A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, “How do fish breath underwater?”

Once again the father replied, “Don’t rightly know son.” A little later the boy asked his father, “Why is the sky blue?”

Again, the father repied. “Don’t rightly know son.” Finally, the boy asked his father, “Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?”

The father replied, “Of course not, you don’t ask questions, you never learn nothin’.”

Joke of the Day

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.

Patricia StarThe wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, “How should I know, that’s 200 miles from here?” and hung up.

The husband said, “Who was that?”  The wife said, “I don’t know, some young woman wanting to know  ‘if the coast is clear.”

Joke of the Day

A very nervous man, accbugsompanied by his nagging wife, was examined by a doctor.

After checking the chart and listening to the wife’s ceaseless chatter, he nodded and wrote the man a prescription for a powerful tranquilizer.

The man asked: “How often should the pills be taken?”

“Let’s start with once every six hours. But if that’s not enough,” replied the doctor,  “just give her some more.”

Joke of the Day

Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland.

As they stoppeOld Goat Logod at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat’s milk was used.

She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. ‘These’ she explained, ‘Are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.’

She then asked, ‘What do you do in America with your old goats?’

A spry old gentleman answered, ‘They send us on bus tours!’

Joke of the Day

A couple was Christmas shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve and the mall was packed.

Walking through the mall the surprised wife look up and noticed her Homer barhusband was no where around and she was very upset because they had a lot to do.

She used her cell phone to call her husband because she was so upset, to ask him where he was.

The husband in a calm voice said, “honey remember the jewelry store we went into 5 years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not afford and I told you that I would get it for you one day ?”

His wife said filling with loving tears , “yes I remember that jewelry store.”

He said, well I’m in the bar next to it.

Attribution: Bev, Pat

Joke of the Day

As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from an occasional social session over the years.bugs daffy

A couple of nights ago, I was out for an evening with friends and had a couple of cocktails and some rather nice red wine.

Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I’ve never done before ~ I took a cab home. Sure enough, I passed a police road block but, since it was a cab, they waved it past.

I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise; as I have never driven a cab before and am not sure where I got it or what to do with it now that it’s in my garage.