Joke of the Day

A man went to the confessional. “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.”

“What is your sin, my son?” the priest asked.

“Well,” the man started, “I used some horrible language this week, and I feel absolutely terrible.”

“When did you use this awful language?” asked the priest.

“I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 250 yards, but it struck a power line that was hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about a hundred yards.”

“Is that when you swore?”

“No, Father. After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in his mouth and began to run away.”

“Is that when you swore?”

“Well, no. You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons, and flew away!”

“Is that when you swore?” asked the amazed priest.

“No, not yet. As the eagle carried the squirrel away in his claws, it flew toward the green. And as it passed over a bit of forest near the green, the squirrel dropped my ball.”

“Did you swear then?”

“No, because as the ball felt it struck a tree, bounced through some bushes, careened off a big rock, and rolled through a sand trap onto the green and stopped within six inches of the hole.”

The priest signed, “You missed the putt, didn’t you?”

The Beatles? … Next Generation

Sir Paul McCartney’s son James said he would be willing to form a ‘next generation’ Beatles with the sons of the other band members.

The 34-year-old said he was “up for it” and John Lennon’s son, Sean, and George Harrison’s son, Dhani, had also shown support for the idea, although Ringo Starr’s son, drummer Zak, was less keen.

James told the BBC: “I don’t think it’s something that Zak wants to do.

“Maybe Jason [another of Starr’s sons and also a drummer] would want to do it.

“I’d be up for it. Sean seemed to be into it, Dhani seemed to be into it. I’d be happy to do it.”

James said that the idea had already been mooted “a little bit”.

Asked if a new Beatles could happen, he said: “Yeah, hopefully, naturally. I don’t know, you’d have to wait and see. The will of God, nature’s support, I guess. So yeah, maybe.”

The singer-songwriter, who’s played guitar on two his father’s albums Flaming Pie and Driving Rain, is following in his father’s footsteps by playing a gig at Liverpool’s famous Cavern Club on Tuesday.

The Cavern is where the Beatles played dozens of gigs before hitting the big time.

James said is had been “beautiful” working with his father, who co-produced two of his EPs, including sessions at the Abbey Road studios.

Asked about his relationship with Sir Paul, he said: “It’s amazing. Sometimes in the past, a few years ago, it can be difficult, it can be tense, like families can get.

But beyond that it’s beautiful. “He’s a genius, he’s beyond genius, and he’s a big inspiration. Very intellectual and obviously amazing at what he does, so it’s great fun.

He helps me get in tune with myself and be the best person that I can be.”

James admitted that having the name McCartney was “a help” in the music business and it was “an honour” to be connected to his father.

He said that as a schoolboy he’d dreamt of “being better than The Beatles”, adding: “I’m not sure if I can do that. If anything, I would love to be equal to The Beatles – but even that’s quite tough.”

All of the Beatles boys have taken after their fathers. McCartney has played guitar on two of his father’s albums, and is playing a show at the Cavern Club in Liverpool, where the Beatles cut their teeth.

Starkey has drummed for the likes of The Who and Oasis, Harrison is the frontman of thenewno2 and Lennon is a successful singer-songwriter in New York.

Attribution: Daily Telegraph, HuffPo

Olbermann, Pompous Ass or just Misunderstood

Liberal talk show host Keith Olbermann changed car services eight times in the year he was at Current TV, complaining his chauffeurs ‘smelled’ and even ‘talked to him’ in the car, according to reports. Oh, the horror.

The left-leaning network founded by former presidential candidate Al Gore, fired Olbermann, it’s biggest star and the host of its signature program, last week for breach of contract.

Sources close to the TV channel have begun leaking claims about Olbermann’s behavior that give hints about why the host of ‘Countdown’ was given the ax.

Olbermann has promised to sue the station after it cut short his five-year, $50 million contract. He fought back against the firing, saying Current didn’t make good on its ‘promises and obligations and investing in a quality news program.’

Mediaite cited anonymous sources as it reported that Olbermann had Current staffers change his car service eight times since he began work at the network last February.

Olbermann, who cannot drive, complained that some of the drivers ‘smelled.’ Others ‘talked to him.’

The network publicly cited unauthorized absences, failing to promote Current-TV, and disparaging the company and its executives as its public reasons for cutting ties.

Among the other gripes are claims, from Mediaite’s source, that the network built a $250,000 custom-designed set for Olbermann’s signature show. When the set had lighting trouble in December, Olbermann told the crew he wouldn’t use it anymore.

He also instructed guest hosts not to use the set, either.

Olbermann also refused to allow the network to promote the show when he wasn’t hosting it and prohibited the staff from sending out tweets when he was absent, according to Mediate.

Olbermann left MSNBC in January 2011 after the network declined to renew his contract. Some have speculated that this was a result of his suspension for making undisclosed donations to three Democratic Congressional candidates in 2010.

Shortly after he left, Current-TV, a newly-launched liberal TV news channel, hired Olbermann as its prime time star.

With Olbermann’s departure, Current announced it had hired client number 9, disgraced former New York Gov Eliot Spitzer to replace him.

Attribution: Mail Online

What’s Your Major? Mine’s Jihad

Homeland Security: To please Muslim-rights groups (the PC thing to do), more and more colleges are hiring Muslim chaplains, only to watch them radicalize students.

As one could guess, some chaplains have actively supported al-Qaida and called for violent jihad against “kaffirs,” or infidels. And yet they still have access to students, and remain on the university payroll.

Take Imam Abdullah Faaruuq, Muslim chaplain at Northeastern University in Boston. He has urged Muslims to pick up the “gun and sword” on behalf of recently imprisoned al-Qaida terrorists.

Last December, Faaruuq held a fundraiser for Aafia Siddiqui, a one-time MIT student also known as “Lady al-Qaida,” who is serving an 86-year prison sentence for opening fire on U.S. soldiers in Afghanistan.

Siddiqui, a senior al-Qaida operative, based in Pakistan, was captured with notes about a “mass casualty attack” in the U.S., along with a list of New York landmarks.

“What a brave woman she continues to be, and how much her bravery and her faith and her belief warrants our support at this time,” said Faaruuq, as he encouraged Massachusetts Muslims to help raise $30,000 for her appeal.

“She’s only guilty of defending herself,” he said. In fact, Siddiqui yelled “Death to America” as she fired on soldiers. A federal judge called her actions premeditated.

While ignoring such evidence, the Northeastern chaplain condemned American soldiers as “kaffirs” and exhorted Muslims to “cut through” them with machetes.

“Go out and do your job,” he said, referring to jihad.

Small wonder Islamic extremism has spread at Northeastern.

Then there’s Khalid Griggs, assistant chaplain at Wake Forest University in North Carolina. Upon his hiring, Wake Forest’s president praised him as a “well-respected individual.”

Yes, well-respected among the radical Muslim Brotherhood.

Griggs has served as a leader of the Islamic Circle of North America (ICNA) and was cited in the Muslim Brotherhood’s recently declassified founding archives as one of its front groups. He is also a senior official in the Muslim Alliance of North America (MANA). MANA was co-founded by radical Muslim cleric Siraj Wahhaj, an unindicted conspirator in the 1993 World Trade Center bombing.

“It is difficult to understand how the president of such a respected American university could have remained so oblivious to the serious implications of allowing an individual like Griggs with openly publicized links to the Muslim Brotherhood access to Wake Forest students,” said terror expert Clare Lopez.

ICNA is an offshoot of the Muslim Students Association (MSA), another Brotherhood front. MSA has grown to be one of the nation’s largest college groups with more than 150 campus chapters.

MSA chapters from New York to California have extolled suicide bombers and other terrorists as “martyrs” and the “only people who truly fear Allah.”

And they are a big reason why, according to a recent Pew Research poll, one in four college-age Muslims in America support suicide bombings.

MSA also organizes anti-Israel student rallies, and hectors college administrators into Islamizing campus facilities. MSA and Muslim chaplains work in lockstep.

Clearly, regents and administrators are clueless about this dangerous threat. Unless colleges put in place better vetting systems, which of course they won’t, radical Islamists will continue to infiltrate college campuses and indoctrinate impressionable students who graduate to become jihadists instead of productive members of society.

Political correctness may literally be the death of us.

Attribution: IBD

Joke of the Day

Why Men Shouldn’t Write Advice Columns

 

Dear John,

I hope you can help me. The other day, I set off for work, leaving my husband in the house watching TV. My car stalled, and then it broke down about a mile down the road, and I had to walk back to get my husband’s help. When I got home, I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor’s daughter!

I am 32, my husband is 34 and the neighbor’s daughter is 19. We have been married for 10 years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted they had been having an affair for the past six months. he won’t go to counseling and I’m affraid I am a wreck and need advice urgently. Can you please help?

Sincerely, Sheila

Dear Sheila,

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.

I hope this helps, John

How’s the Weather Up There?

Wind farms could become a thing of the past if a blimp-like power generator takes off.

Altaeros Energies, a U.S wind energy company formed out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, announced that it has successfully generated energy from 350 feet up with an automated prototype of its airborne wind turbine (AWT).

The completed commercial version would rest at 1,000 feet, where winds are stronger and more consistent, according to Altaeros Energies.

The company reports that AWT achieved several key milestones.

It lifted a top-selling turbine to produce over twice the power at high altitude than generated at conventional tower height and landed again in an automated cycle.

The turbine was successfully transported and deployed into the air at Loring Commerce Center in Limestone, Maine, from a towable docking trailer.

Altaeros says that because its product would harness higher-altitude winds – up to five times stronger than those reached by tower turbines – it would reduce energy costs by up to 65 per cent and reduce installation time from weeks to days.

In addition, it is designed to have virtually no environmental or noise impact and to require minimal maintenance.

The Altaeros AWT will displace expensive fuel used to power diesel generators at remote industrial, military, and village sites.

In the long term, Altaeros plans to scale up the technology to reduce costs in the offshore wind market.

‘For decades, wind turbines have required cranes and huge towers to lift a few hundred feet off the ground where winds can be slow and gusty,’ explained Ben Glass, the inventor of the AWT and Altaeros Chief Executive Officer.

‘We are excited to demonstrate that modern inflatable materials can lift wind turbines into more powerful winds almost everywhere – with a platform that is cost competitive and easy to setup from a shipping container.’

The AWT uses a helium-filled, inflatable shell to ascend, with strong tethers holding it steady and sending electricity down to the ground.

Could They really Do It?

By David G. Savage

The Supreme Court’s conservative justices said last Wednesday they are prepared to strike down President Obama’s healthcare law entirely.

Picking up where they left off Tuesday, the conservatives said they thought a decision striking down the law’s controversial individual mandate to purchase health insurance means the whole statute should fall with it.

The court’s conservatives sounded as though they had determined for themselves that the 2,700-page measure must be declared unconstitutional.

“One way or another, Congress will have to revisit it in toto,” said Justice Antonin Scalia.

Agreeing, Justice Anthony Kennedy said it would be an “extreme proposition” to allow the various insurance regulations to stand after the mandate was struck down.

Meanwhile, the court’s liberal justices argued for restraint. Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said the court should do a “salvage job,” not undertake a “wrecking operation.” But she looked to be out-voted.

Chief Justice John G. Roberts Jr. and Justice Samuel A. Alito Jr. said they shared the view of Scalia and Kennedy that the law should stand or fall in total. Along with Justice Clarence Thomas, they would have a majority to strike down the entire statute as unconstitutional.

An Obama administration lawyer, urging caution, said it would be “extraordinary” for the court to throw out the entire law. About 2.5 million young people under age 26 are on their parents’ insurance now because of the new law. If it were struck down entirely, “2.5 million of them would be thrown off the insurance rolls,” said Edwin Kneedler.

The administration indicated it was prepared to accept a ruling that some of the insurance reforms should fall if the mandate were struck down. For example, insurers would not be required to sell coverage to people with preexisting conditions. But Kneedler, a deputy solicitor general, said the court should go no further.

But the court’s conservatives said the law was passed as a package and must fall as a package.

End Article

Editor’s comments:

So the Supreme Court seems poised to do the right and constitutional thing. It’s funny how all the Internet outlets, newspapers, TV, et al, classifiy the justices as Conservative or liberal.

The Supreme Court has one job. It’s only job is to determine the constitutionality of the case before it. It is not supposed to write law or somehow fiddle around with the laws that are being decided by the court. Yet Justice Ruth (buzzi) Bader Ginsburg suggests that the court should perform a “salvage job” on the law. The only way that one could perform a “salvage job” on the law would be to rewrite it at the bench.

Somehow this minor inconvenience escapes justice Ginsburg. She must’ve forgotten that the justices are forbidden from writing or creating law from the bench. Either that, or she just doesn’t care. I vote for the latter. But Ginsburg is of course a liberal justice.

As I’ve stated many times in the past, liberals are liberals, first and foremost. What ever their vocation may be, a liberal will always think and act as one without regard to said vocation.

As for Mr. Kneedler’s plea regarding the 2.5 million young people that will may be kicked off their parents insurance if the court strikes down Obamacare, may I remind him, or maybe he doesn’t know, that the Constitution is not a conditional document.

Let’s hope that at least five of the justices will make the right constitutional decision and strike this travesty down in toto.

Joke of the Day (3)

Church Billboards. We’ve all seen them. They mean well, but are sometimes filled with errors-a-plenty. Here are some great examples.

Third Installment 

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.

 The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They
 may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

 This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across
 from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

 Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies
 are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.

 The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would
 lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

 Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use
 the back door.

 The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the
Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

 Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
 Please use large double door at the side entrance.

 The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last
Sunday: ‘I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.

Assad will Not Step Down

BEIRUT – Lebanon’s Hezbollah said on Friday that Arab and international efforts to end the conflict in Syria have moved away from demanding that Syrian President Bashar Assad steps down and now appear focused on achieving political dialogue.

Hezbollah leader Hassan Nasrallah, a key Assad ally, said that rebels who have fought a year-long campaign to oust Assad were incapable of toppling him and that the option of foreign military intervention in Syria was a “closed subject.”

Hezbollah has relied on Syria as a main political backer and is also accused of using the country as a transit point for arms sent from its main bankroller, Iran.

The group has backed Assad’s crackdown on a mostly Sunni-lead uprising, which both blame on foreign-backed militants.

“Some people talked about the political option,” Nasrallah said, “but with conditions that equalled the fall of the regime, for example for President Assad to step down. I think the international and regional political climate today has passed this phase.”

Arab states, split over how to deal with the crisis in Syria that threatens to inflame the region’s sectarian faultlines, appear to have backed off their demand that Assad step aside.

The rebels also appear to have lost ground in the past month to Assad’s forces, who have crushed several opposition strongholds through sustained shelling campaigns.

“The armed opposition is incapable of toppling the regime,” Nasrallah said. “Therefore betting on military efforts to topple the regime is a losing gamble and the burden is too great: more bloodshed and loss of life and property, to no avail.”

More than 9,000 people have been killed by Assad’s forces, according to the United Nations, while Damascus says it has lost around 3,000 police and security forces.

Syria’s uprising, which began as peaceful protests, has grown increasingly bloody in recent months as armed civilians and army defectors began to bring the fight to Assad’s forces. But they are heavily outgunned by Assad’s military machine.

Nasrallah said some Arab efforts, led by Saudi Arabia and Qatar, to demand Assad’s ouster appear to have been dropped.

He pointed to the backing by an Arab summit on Thursday for a peace plan by UN-Arab League envoy Kofi Annan calling for a political solution to the crisis. Assad has said he accepts the plan but stipulates that the rebels must stop fighting.

Annan’s spokesman stressed on Friday that Assad’s forces should be the first to withdraw their troops and tanks, saying “the deadline is now”, but fighting continued.

Attribution: Jerusalem Post