Joke of the Day

Three guys died and when they got to the pearly gates, St. Peter met them there.

St. Peter said, “I know that you guys are forgiven because you’re here. But before I let you into heaven, I have to ask you a couple of questions. Make sure you tell the truth because if you don’t, we’ll have to ask you to visit the beast below.

Your answers will also determine what kind of car you will get. You have to have a car here in heaven because it is so huge!”

St. Peter asked the first man, “How long were you married?”

The guy replied, “24 years.”

St. Peter then asked, “Did you ever cheat on your wife?”

The guy said, “Yeah, about 10 times… but you said I was forgiven.”

Peter said, “Yes, but that’s not too good. Here’s a old Ford Pinto for you to drive.”

The second guy got the same questions from Peter to whom he replied, “I was married for 41 years and cheated on her only once, but that was during our first year and we worked it out. I was faithful thereafter.”

Peter said, “I’m pleased to hear that. Here’s a Mercedes for you to drive.”

The third guy said, “Peter, I know what you’re going to ask. I was married for 63 years and didn’t even look at another woman! I treated my wife like a queen!”

Peter said, “Now that’s what I like to hear! Here’s a Bentley for you to drive.”

A little while later, the two guys with the Mercedes and the Pinto saw the guy with the Bentley crying on the golden sidewalk, so they went to see what was the matter.

When they asked him what was wrong, he tearily said, “I just saw my wife and she was on a skateboard!”

So the Native Americans aren’t Native?

Altai in southern Siberia sits right at the centre of Russia. But the tiny, mountainous republic has a claim to fame unknown until now – Native Americans can trace their origins to the remote region.

DNA research revealed that genetic markers linking people living in the Russian republic of Altai, southern Siberia, with indigenous populations in North America.

A study of the mutations indicated a lineage shift between 13,000 and 14,000 years ago – when people are thought to have walked across the ice from Russia to America

This roughly coincides with the period when humans from Siberia are thought to have crossed what is now the Bering strait and entered America.

“Altai is a key area because it’s a place where people have been coming and going for thousands and thousands of years”, said Dr Theodore Schurr, from the University of Pennsylvania.

Among the people who may have emerged from the Altai region are the predecessors of the first Native Americans.

Roughly 20-25,000 years ago, these prehistoric humans carried their Asian genetic lineages up into the far reaches of Siberia and eventually across the then-exposed Bering land mass into the Americas.

“Our goal in working in this area was to better define what those founding lineages or sister lineages are to Native American populations,” Schurr said.
The region lies at the intersection of what is now Russia, Mongolia, China and Kazakhstan.

Dr Schurr’s team checked Altai DNA samples for markers in mitochondrial DNA which is always passed on by mothers, and Y chromosome DNA which sons inherit from their fathers.

Because of the large number of gene markers examined, the findings have a high degree of precision.

“At this level of resolution we can see the connections more clearly,” Schurr said.

Looking at the Y chromosome DNA, the researchers found a unique mutation shared by Native Americans and southern Altaians in the lineage known as Q.

Mitochondrial DNA is found in tiny rod-like ‘powerplants’ in cells that generate energy. Both kinds of DNA showed links between Altaians and Native Americans.

In the Y chromosome DNA, the researchers found a unique mutation shared by Native Americans and people from southern Altai.

The findings are published today in the American Journal of Human Genetics.

Calculating how long the mutations they noted took to arise, Schurr’s team estimated that the southern Altaian lineage diverged genetically from the Native American lineage 13,000 to 14,000 years ago, a timing scenario that aligns with the idea of people moving into the Americas from Siberia between 15,000 and 20,000 years ago.

Though it’s possible, even likely, that more than one wave of people
crossed the land bridge, Schurr said that other researchers have not yet been able to identify another similar geographic focal point from which Native Americans can trace their heritage.

“It may change with more data from other groups, but, so far, even with intensive work in Mongolia, they’re not seeing the same things that we are”, he said.

In addition to elucidating the Asia-America connection, the study confirms that the modern cultural divide between southern and northern Altaians has ancient genetic roots

Attribution: Daily Mail

But You Owe Me; Entitlement America

From The Cleveland Current:

In what is sure to inspire some serious ire among all those who once believed Ronald Reagan, that it was the USSR that was the “Evil Empire”, Wyatt Emmerich

analyzes disposable income and economic benefits among several key income classes and comes to the stunning (and verifiable) conclusion.

That is, “a one-parent family of three making $14,500 a year (minimum wage) has more disposable income than a family making $60,000 a year.”

And that excludes benefits from Supplemental Security Income disability (SSI). America is now a country which punishes those people who not only try to work hard, but avoid scamming the system.

Not surprisingly, we only here of the richest and most audacious thieves, but it is also the penny scammers at the very bottom of the economic ladder that rip us off each and every day, courtesy
of the world’s most generous entitlement system.

The chart tells the story. You can do as well working at minimum wage as you can working $60,000-a-year, full-time, high-stress job:

Stunned? Try it yourself.

Almost all welfare programs have Web sites where you can call up “benefits calculators.” Just plug in your income and family size and, presto, your benefits are automatically calculated.

And if this isn’t enough, here is one that will blow your mind:

If the family provider works only one week a month at minimum wage, he or she makes 92 percent as much as a provider grossing $60,000 a year.

First of all, working one week a month, saves big-time on child care. But the real big-ticket item is Medicaid, which has minimal deductibles and copays. By working only one week a month at a minimum wage job, a provider is able to get total medical coverage for next to nothing.

Compare this to the family provider making $60,000 a year. For a typical Mississippi family, coverage would cost around $12,000. Adding deductibles and copays adds an additional $4,500 or so to the bill. That’s a huge hit.

There is a reason why
a full time worker may not be too excited to learn there is little to show for doing the “right thing.”

The full-time $60,000-a-year job is going to be much more demanding than woring one week a month at minimu wage. Presumably, the low-income parent will have more energy to attend to the various stresses of managing a household.

It gets even scarier if one assumes a little dishonesty is throwin in the equation.

If the one-week-a-month worker maintains an unreported cash-only job on the side, the deal gets better than a regular $60,000-a-year job. In this scenario, you maintain a reportable, payroll deductible, low-income job for federal tax purposes. This allows you to easily establish your qualification for all these welfare programs. Then your black-market job gives
you additional cash without interfering with your benefits. Some economists estimate there is one trillion in unreported income each year in the United States.

This really got me thinking. Just how much money could I get if I set out to deliberately scam the system? Getting a low-paying minimum wage job would set the stage for far more welfare benefits than you could earn in a real job, if you were willing to cheat. Even if you don’t cheat, you could do almost as well working one week a month at minimum wage than busting a gut at a $60,000-a-year job.

Now where it gets plainly out of control is if one throws in Supplemental Security Income (SSI).

SSI pays $8,088 per year for each “disabled” family member. A person can be deemed “disabled” if they are totally lacking in the cultural and educational skills needed to be employable in the workforce.

If you add $24,262 a year for three disability checks, the lowest paid welfare family would now have far more take-home income than the $60,000-a-year family.

Best of all: being on welfare does not judge you, even if you are stupid enough to take drugs all day.

Most private workplaces require drug testing, but there is no drug testing to get welfare checks.

The welfare system in communist China is far stingier. Those people actually have to work to eat.

Now we finally know that the very bottom of the entitlement food chain makes out like a bandit while us idiot Americans actually work and pay our taxes.

Joke of the Day

The newlywed Blonde went to the store to ask how to operate the new coffeemaker she received as a wedding gift.

The salesman carefully explained how everything worked; Plug it in, set the timer, go to bed, and upon rising, the coffee is ready.

A few weeks later the woman was back in the store and the salesman asked her how she liked the coffee maker.

“Wonderful!” she replied, “But… it’s just awfully inconvenient to have to go to bed every time I want to make a pot of coffee.”

It’s Nice to be Friends

By John Hayward at Human Events:

When President Obama, who is normally a great proponent of “infrastructure” projects, made his bizarre decision to block the Keystone XL pipeline project, I wondered if he might have been induced to create those thousands of American jobs if the oil could be moved by his beloved high-speed rail.

As it turns out, oil is already moved from northern latitudes, such as the booming oil fields of North Dakota, down to the Gulf of Mexico by rail of the old, low-speed variety. Fortunately, as Newt Gingrich pointed out during the Monday night Republican debate in Florida, the oil is on private land, so Obama can’t shut production down.

Shipping the oil with a pipeline would have significantly reduced costs, as an Associated Press report explains:

Billions of dollars of infrastructure improvements have been made in recent years to allow North Dakota’s oil shipping capacity to keep pace with the skyrocketing production. North Dakota is the nation’s fourth-biggest oil producer and is expected to trail only Texas in crude output within the next year.

Alison Ritter, a spokeswoman for the state Department of Mineral Resources, said the state’s so-called takeaway capacity is adequate, though producers and the state were counting on the on the Keystone XL to move North Dakota crude.

Shipping crude by pipeline in North Dakota adds up to $1.50 to its cost, compared to $2 or more a barrel for rail shipments, producers say.

“Oil that would have moved by the Keystone XL is now going to shift to rail transportation,” Ritter said.

Amusingly, a spokesman for the Sierra Club admitted “there is no question that [transporting] oil by rail or truck is much more dangerous than a pipeline,” but that didn’t stop the zero-growth eco-fanatics from calling in their chips with President Downgrade to kill that pipeline.

Those rail shipments are expected to “increase exponentially with increased oil production and the shortage of pipelines,” according to Justin Kringstad, director of the North Dakota Pipeline Authority. That’s going to be quite a windfall for the railroad companies, isn’t it?

I hereby dub thee, Friend of Obama.

As it happens, 75 percent of the oil currently shipped by rail out of North Dakota is handled by Burlington Northern Santa Fe LLC… which just happens to be a unit of Warren Buffett’s company, Berkshire Hathaway Inc. What a coincidence!

For some reason, nobody from BNSF or Berkshire Hathaway would return the AP’s telephone calls, but oilman Harold Hamm told them he was sure this was just a wonderful “lucky break” for Barack Obama’s favorite billionaire, who is “certainly favored by this decision.” I’ve heard Buffett’s famously overtaxed secretary will be a guest at the State of the Union address tonight. Maybe someone could ask her about it.

The “tax me more” refrain from liberal billionaires is one of the oldest sucker games in the book. For the well-connected, the money that can be made through government power – whether by influencing corrupt politicians, or merely predicting what they’re going to do – dwarfs whatever income they offer to cough up.

Military Wife

It’s not just hard on those who actually deploy.

Notes on having a husband deployed in Afghanistan
By Morgan deBoer

WHEN I PICTURE IT happening, I envision myself as a 1960s housewife. I’m wearing a Betty Draper-style dress and an apron instead of the more likely yoga pants and t-shirt. My hair and makeup are done and I’m vacuuming or maybe rolling out a pie crust. I’m home. It’s daytime and two men in khakis come to my door and hand me a note that says my husband has been killed in action. Then they leave. And I’m alone.

The first time my husband deployed, I drove home from the airfield, laid myself down on the living room floor, called my mom and asked, “Can I die from this?” When I imagine what it would feel like for me to actually lose him, I almost can’t breathe.

He is in Afghanistan now and I think about the reality of his dangerous job 100 times a day. I daydream outrageous scenarios all the time, like winning Best New Artist at the Country Music Awards. But losing my husband, or a friend, is an actual possibility. According to the DOD report, as of 17 Janurary, 4,421 service members have been killed in Operation Iraqi Freedom and 1,864 in Operation Enduring Freedom (Afghanistan).

When it actually happens, they say, someone will come to your house so quickly that you won’t have time to worry. What if I’m at work? They’ll come to your work. What if I’m at the grocery store? They’ll wait at your house. What if I’m sleeping and I can’t hear them? They knock loud.

Four days after my husband left this time, I was awoken by my cell phone ringing sometime around midnight.


“Hello Mrs. deBoer. I’m calling to inform you that…”

An officer at my husband’s command told me that there was a serious injury on my husband’s team and then, I swear to God, the longest thirty seconds of my life passed before he said “your husband was not hurt.”

He told me that there was nothing I could do yet, except spread the word that only one person was injured and he was alive in serious condition. He told me the wounded sailor’s name and said I could call back if I needed anything.

I got out of bed and sat on the living room floor and cried.

My husband is on a team of 18 men. I have met about half of them during this training cycle, and I don’t know any of them well.

I met the now injured sailor once when my husband and I drove him to the airfield the day he deployed. There was no major sendoff, it was just us, at 10pm dropping two guys off in a parking lot on a big military base. One grabbed his bags, shook my husband’s hand, and walked away.

The other grabbed his bags, shook my husband’s hand, and looked at me and said, “Can you be my…” and I gave him a hug, and patted his back, and said, “Please be safe.” And he is now recovering from a traumatic brain injury. He has a wife, and a baby, and they lived in my neighborhood.

Don’t forget to thank those who serve, have served & those left behind. It may be tougher on them. After all, they’ve had no training.

Attribution: Bev

Joke of the Day

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Sheriffs Deputy.

He thinks that he is smarter than the Deputy because he is sure that he has a better education.

He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputies expense…

Deputy says, “License and registration, please.”

Lawyer says, “What for?”

Deputy says, “You didn’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign .”

Lawyer says, “I slowed down, and no one was coming.”

Deputy says, “You still didn’t come to a complete stop. License and registration, please.”

Lawyer says, “What’s the difference?”

Deputy says, “The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop, that’s the law. License and registration, please!”

Lawyer says, “If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket, if not you let me go and no ticket.”

Deputy says, “Exit your vehicle, sir.”

At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the crap out of the lawyer and says: “Do you want me to stop or just slow down?”