Barzelletta del giorno

Think outside the Box

An old Italian gentleman lived alone in New Jersey .
He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.
His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year.
I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot.
I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love,
Papa
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Papa,
Don’t dig up that garden.
That’s where the bodies are buried.
Love,
Vinnie
At 4 a.m. The next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up
The entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.
That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Papa,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now.
That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you, Vinnie

(Attribution: Bev Smith)

Green with envy (for jobs)

President Barack Obama has a problem on his hands when even his stalwart allies at The New York Times have no choice but to admit to a glaring reality: The President’s “green jobs” promise has failed miserably.

On Friday, the Times printed a harsh assessment of the state of the “green” economy—including a conclusion that the President’s promise to create five million green jobs over 10 years has proven to be nothing more than “a pipe dream,” with California’s Bay Area providing a particularly poignant example of how “green” jobs have actually been lost, not gained:

In the Bay Area as in much of the country, the green economy is not proving to be the job-creation engine that many politicians envisioned . . .

A study released in July by the non-partisan Brookings Institution found clean-technology jobs accounted for just 2 percent of employment nationwide and only slightly more — 2.2 percent — in Silicon Valley. Rather than adding jobs, the study found, the sector actually lost 492 positions from 2003 to 2010 in the South Bay, where the unemployment rate in June was 10.5 percent.

California isn’t the only place, though, where the green dream is falling short of reality. Last year, Seattle won a $20 million federal grant to invest in weatherization programs. The money was to be spent on insulating crawl spaces, serving to create jobs while helping the environment by reducing the energy needed to heat homes. The program, which was announced at the White House on the eve of Earth Day, has proven to be a total flop. Seattlepi.com reports:

[M]ore than a year later, Seattle’s numbers are lackluster. As of last week, only three homes had been retrofitted and just 14 new jobs have emerged from the program. Many of the jobs are administrative, and not the entry-level pathways once dreamed of for low-income workers. Some people wonder if the original goals are now achievable.

Those failures aren’t just hitting the West coast, either. In Oak Park, Michigan, a state-government-funded hybrid bus company sits dormant, out of business just two years after it drew acclaim for being part of Michigan’s green future, despite millions in state taxpayer funding and a contract to sell buses to be purchased with federal taxpayer dollars. Michigan Capitol Confidential reports that the company failed to meet two performance “milestones” as part of its $2.6 million total loan agreement with the state—and without government funding, the company couldn’t survive.

Despite these green failures—and reports that 80 percent of the $2 billion set aside in the “stimulus” package for green jobs is going overseas, mostly to China–President Obama is continuing to make the pitch that a federally funded green future is central to his plan for rescuing the economy, going so far as to pledge an additional $2.4 billion for green jobs, especially to make batteries for electric cars. The Heritage Foundation’s Ernest Istook explains why the President’s plan will fail, just like it has in the past:

Green jobs are about government subsidies, cronyism, and job cannibalism. They aren’t self-sustaining because they rely on giveaways of taxpayer money and they cannibalize existing jobs…

The green agenda soaks taxpayers. But it also packs a double wallop because taxpayers are first hit to pay for the subsidies, then everyone is hit by higher energy prices caused by energy taxes and regulations.

As President Obama stays the course, pursuing a well-worn path toward government-subsidized green jobs failures, it’s important to point out that there is another way toward real job growth that doesn’t require taxpayer subsidies. As Heritage lays out in its “Saving the American Dream” plan, by reversing the growth of the federal government, eliminating unnecessary regulations, and repealing Obamacare, Congress can set America on a better course. It’s one that preserves the reality of the American dream, rather than chasing the fiction of a green pipe dream.

Attribution: The Heritage Foundation, The NY Times, The Brookings Institution, Seattlepi.com, CAPCON, ABC News

‘Twas the Night Before….

‘Twas the night before the Hurricane
When all through the state
Not a gas pump was pumping
Not a store open late

All the plywood was hung
On the windows with care
Knowing that a whopper
Soon would be there

The children were ready
With flashlights in hand
While bands from the hurricane
Covered over the land

And mamma with her Mag-Lite
And I in my cap
Had just filled the bath tub
For flushing our crap

When out on the lawn
There arose such a clatter
I sprang from the closet
To see what was the matter

The trees on the fence
And the neighbor’s roof torn
Gave the fear of us dying
In this terrible storm

With a little wind gust
So lively and quick
I remembered quite clearly
Our walls weren’t brick

More rapid than eagles
Her courses they came
And she whistled, and wafted
And surged all the same
Off shingles! Off sidings!
Off rooftops! Off power!
Down trees! Down fences!
Down trailers! Down towers!
Up the coast of the state
She continued to maul
Screaming Blow Away!
Blow Away! Blow Away All!

As wind ripped and tossed
The debris through the sky
I peeked out the shutters
At cars floating by

So go to the safe-room
My family did do
With a portable radio
And batteries too

And then, in a twinkling
I heard on the set
The end was not coming
For a few hours yet!

As I calmed down the kids
And was turning around
Through the window it came
With a huge crashing sound

A tree branch it was
All covered in soot
The wind blew it smack-dab
On top of my foot

A bundle of twigs
Now lay in a stack
And my living room looks
Like it was under attack

The wind – how it howled!
The storm – very scary!
Myself and the family
Were all too unwary
The dangers of hurricanes
Are serious, you know
They are taken for granted
As Hurricanes do show

With the winds dying down
And the danger beneath
I noticed my tool shed
Was missing its sheath

So I grabbed my last tarp
And nailed it on down
Then I got in my car
And I headed to town

The traffic was awful
And stores had no ice
My five gallon cooler
Would have to suffice

Generators were scarce
Not one left in town
There were trees on the roads
And power lines down

FEMA was ready
With people to work
Electrical companies
Came in from New York

And in the midst of
This peculiar routine
word came of another
Named Hurricane Jeanne

I sprang to the car
And gave my family a whistle
Then away we all went
Like a Tomahawk missile

You could hear us exclaim
As we drove out of sight
“Fare well to this place,
Vermont seems just right!”

Hurricane’s a Comin!

Hurricane Irene

Hurricane Statistics
Pay attention: Hurricanes are known as ‘typhoons’ in the western Pacific, ‘cyclones’ in the Indian Ocean, ‘baguios’ in the Philippines and willy-willies in Australia.
Highest Storm Surge (sea waves swell): Bathurst Bay Hurricane, Australia, 1899. It was 13 meters (42 feet)!
Deadliest: Bangladesh Cyclone of 1970. It killed 300,000 people.
The deadliest hurricane in the United States struck Galveston, Texas, in 1900. A storm surge almost two stories high broke over the city, causing 20-foot (6.1-meter) floods and more than 8,000 deaths
Largest Rainfalls: Tropical Cyclone Denise, January 1966, 12 hours, 1144 millimeters – La Reunion Island in the Indian Ocean off the east coast of Africa.
Costliest Hurricane: Hurricane Andrew in 1992. The damage was estimated at $25 billion in parts of Florida, Louisiana, and Georgia.
Longest Lasting Tropical Cyclone: Typhoon John, August-September, 1994, lasted 31 days. Traveled both the Northeast and Northwest Pacific basins.
Largest Tropical Cyclone: Typhoon Tip Northwest Pacific, October, 1979, gale radius 1100 km..
Fastest Intensification: Typhoon Forrest – deepened 100 millibars (976 to 876) in under 24 hours. In one day winds increased from 120 kph to 277 kph.

I Stand with Israel

After watching Glenn Beck in Israel speak of standing with the Jews, I asked myself why they are so hated? Honestly, I don’t know. How can a people be so despised throughout history just for being who they are? It’s like being hated & wished extermination for having the last name Smith. It makes no sense.

Every other hated group is hated for a relatively defined reason. The Jews, however, are despised in paradoxes: Jews are hated for being a lazy and inferior race – but also for dominating the economy and taking over the world. They are hated for stubbornly maintaining their separateness – and, when they do assimilate – for posing a threat to racial purity through intermarriages. They are seen as pacifists and as warmongers; as capitalist exploiters and as revolutionary communists; possessed of a Chosen-People mentality, as well as of an inferiority complex. It seems the Jews just can’t win. I’ve come to the conclusion it is simple blind hatred & pack mentality. There is no logic to wanting to wipe out a whole race of people. I have also concluded that the radical Moslems just need an enemy.

East Jerusalem

I recall Yasser Arafat, then leader of the PLO, rejecting the Jews every overly generous land-for-peace deal. My recollection is that most if not all the talking heads of the day couldn’t understand why Arafat didn’t take the deal. I think it was then I realized the PLO didn’t want peace. They wanted & needed the upheaval. Their leaders must preserve a certain level of contempt toward the Jews to maintain control of their followers.

So what of the poor Palestinians? Where exactly is their home?

In 1948 the United Nations Resolution 181 partitioned a territory from the British Mandate for Palestine into two states – one for Jews and one for Palestinian Arabs. (Remember, in 1948 they were not referred to as “Palestinians”. Newspapers around the world invented this name after 1967). All of the neighboring Arab countries objected to the creation of the Jewish state and fought a war against it. This was Israel’s War of Independence in 1948. Despite their superior numbers, the Arab countries lost the war and the Palestinian state never materialized because of this loss. The Arab countries did not send help for the settlers that are today known as “Palestinians” but rather they sent troops to drive the Jews into the sea. The Arabs failed thus failing the Palestinian Arabs. Once again we see blind hatred trump common sense & compassion for their own people.

In the 1948 war that was waged, the territory allotted to be the Palestinian state by the UN partition resolution was divided between Israel and Jordan. The “Palestinian Arabs” were rejected by every single Arab country, with the exception of the small percentage that ended up in refugee camps in Jordan where they remain to this day.

So you tell me how this is the fault of Israel and why the hatred of the Jews is reasonable.

This is why I stand with Israel!

Joke du Jour

Some men in a pickup truck drove to a lumber yard.
One of the men walked into the office and said, “We need some four-by-twos.”

The clerk asked, “You mean two-by-fours, don’t you?”
The man said, “I’ll go check,” and went back to the truck.

He returned shortly and said, “Yeah, I meant two-by-four.”
“All right. How long do you need them?”

The customer paused for a moment and said, “I’d better go check.”

After a while, he returned to the office and said, –
“A long time. We’re gonna build a house…”

Freedom’s Breaking out Everywhere

So, let’s see. We have the sudden yearning for freedom & democracy spreading across the Middle East. It started in Tunisia, North Africa. Egypt has fallen, now Libya. Who’s next, maybe Syria or Jordan? Turkey is on a path to the dark side (pro Iran). Do not forget about Saudi Arabia!

But where is the democracy? Theocracy rhymes with democracy. I guess that’s close enough. There is one that is sure not to be toppled. Yep, Iran. Why? Because it was already toppled during the Carter administration. Iran will lead in the ushering in of the New Caliphate.(Click on Map for exploded view)

Now we find Egypt has a Nazi party? How odd. What could they possibly have in common? The Moslems & the Nazis. Hmmmmmmmmm. Couldn’t be the destruction of Israel & the killing of all the Jews, could it? Jerusalem is important to the Caliphate.

The Islamic countries of the Middle East have had strong ties to both fascism & Marxism since before WWII. Egypt’s Nasser even received the honors of “Hero of the Soviet Union and the Order of Lenin”.

Bruce Walker of the New American writes, ”The affinity of Arab nationalists and radical Muslims to the siblings of Nazism and Bolshevism ought to surprise no one. Hitler deeply admired Islam. The Muslim polymath known as al-Mashriqi met with Hitler in 1926, long before the Nazi Party was powerful or Hitler was particularly well-known. In a letter, al-Mashriqi described this visit: “I was astounded when he [Hitler] told me that he knew about my [book] Tazkirah. The news flabbergasted me … I found him very congenial and piercing. He discussed Islamic Jihad with me in details” and nine years later, in 1935, al-Mashriqi noted “the success of the Nazi movement, simply by following the shining guidance of the Holy Koran.”

Before the Second World War began, the Nazis published a book entitled All-Islam: World Power of Tomorrow.

Arthur Stuart Duncan Jones, The Dean of Chichester, writing in 1938, also describes National Socialism, as, “like Mohammedanism, “adding,” The Nazi religion is a religion of blind obedience. Ultimately National Socialism must be sterile, like Mohammedanism.

None of these current or historic events mean a thing without keeping in mind the big picture. They just add some perspective. The ultimate end-game is the New Caliphate. To achieve this the radicals, led by Iran, still need Jerusalem & Mecca. I said not to forget Saudi. In the end these uprisings & skirmishes are just cogs in the grand Islamic machine.

Arab Spring(s) Again

Well, here we go again. Another evil Dictator appears to have been toppled and just like Egypt, it may turn out similarly. By similarly, I mean probably worse. Already a draft of a new Constitution has turned up. According to Part 1, Article 1 of the alleged draft: “Islam is the Religion of the State, and the principal source of legislation is Islamic Jurisprudence (Sharia).” Great news! Separation of Church & State anyone? It is only a draft & may not be authentic but it sounds scary enough. It was released rather quickly which leads me to believe it wasn’t just written & may not have been written by Libyans. The work of the Moslem Brotherhood perhaps? Or maybe another radical group just happened to have a spare constitutional draft lying around. Happens to me all the time. Where did I put that radical moslem draft? I just had it.

My prediction. Just like Egypt, this will be hailed by the press & other dopes as a wonderful thing. Getting rid of the charming Colonel was a wonderful thing. What he will be replaced with will NOT be wonderful. Mark my words. It won’t turn out well in Egypt nor will it here. The whole PC world will pat itself on its collective backs for assisting in this revolution & then leave behind the poor oppressed Egyptians & Libyans to suffer even more. Hooray for us!

Joke of the Day (not really a joke, just funny)

The Board of Health has proposed that warning signs be placed on all alcohol bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible peril of drinking a pint or two of any alcoholic beverage.

1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off a wreaking dead animal that is one hundred yards away.

2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.

3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to assault you

4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you really think of him.

6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.

7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho Bob.