Joke of the Day

It was autumn, and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild.

Since he was the new Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he couldn’t tell what the weather was going to be.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared.

But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He secretly called the National Weather Service and asked, “Is the coming winter going to be cold?”

“It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed,” the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared.

A week later he called the National Weather Service again. “Is it still going to be a very cold winter?”

“Yes,” the man at National Weather Service again replied, “it’s going to be a very cold winter.”

The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find. Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again.

“Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?”
“Absolutely,” the man replied. “It’s going to be one of the coldest winters ever.”

“How can you be so sure?” the Chief asked.

The weatherman replied, “The Indians are collecting wood like crazy!”

Joke of the Day

Three blondes were taking a walk in the country when they came upon a line of tracks. The first blonde said, “Those must be deer tracks”!

The second blonde said, “No, stupid, anyone can tell those are rabbit tracks”! The third blondie said, “No, you idiots, those are horse tracks!”

They where still arguing 10 minutes later when a train hit them.

Joke of the Day

Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, “You see that Indian?”

“Yeah,” says the other cowboy.

“Look,” says the first one, “He’s listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction.”

Just then the Indian looks up. “Covered wagon,” he says, “about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon.”

“Incredible!” says the cowboy to his friend. “How does this Indian know how far away they are, how many horses, what color they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon? Amazing!”

The Indian looks up and says, “Ran me over about a half hour ago.”

Joke of the Day

Ok, I thought this funny altough COMPLETELY untrue.

A family went to a hospital, where one of their relatives would be having a brain transplant.

One of the relatives asked, “What will the cost of a new brain be?” The doctor replied, “A female brain costs $25,000 and a male brain costs $50,000.”

The men smirked, but one of the females asked, “Why is that, doctor?” “Well,” the doctor replied,” the female brain is less because it has been used.”

Joke du Jour

It all began with an iPhone…

March was when our son celebrated his 17th birthday, and we got him an iPhone. He just loved it. Who wouldn’t?

I celebrated my birthday in July, and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad.

Our daughter’s birthday was in August so we got her an iPod Touch.

My wife celebrated her birthday in September so I got her an iRon.

It was around then that the fight started…

What my wife failed to recognize is that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean.

This inevitably activates the iNag reminder service.

I should be out of the hospital next week!!

Attribution: Karen

Joke of the Day

Cash, check or charge?” the cashier asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

As the woman fumbled for her wallet, the cashier noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

“Do you always carry your TV remote?” the cashier asked.

“No,” she replied. “But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him.”

Joke of the Day

This duck walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk, “Do you have any grapes?”

The clerk says no, and the duck leaves. The next day, the duck returns and asks, “Do you have any grapes?” The clerk again says no, and the duck leaves.

The day after that, the duck walks in the store again and asks “Do you have any grapes?” The clerk screams at the duck, “You’ve come in here the past two days and asked if we had any grapes. I’ve told you no, every time. We don’t have any grapes!

I swear if you come back in here again, and ask for grapes, I’ll nail your webbed feet to the floor!!” The duck left, and returned the next day. This time he asked, “Do you have any nails?”

The clerk replied, “No,” and the duck said, “Good! Got any grapes?”

Joke of the Day

There was a knock on the door this morning.

I opened it to find a young, well-dressed man standing there who said:

“Hello, sir, I’m a Jehovah’s Witness.”

So I said, “Come in and sit down.”

I offered him a fresh cup of coffee and asked “What do you want to talk about?

He said, “Beats the hell out of me, I’ve never gotten this far before.”

Attribution: Karen

Joke of the Day

Two golfers were having a drink at their country club. “I heard about your terrible tragedy last week,” said one.

“Yes,” said the other sadly, sipping his drink. “I was playing a two-some with Winthrop, and he had a heart attack right there on the ninth green.”

“I understand you carried him all the way back to the clubhouse too,” the first man said sympathetically. “That must have been very difficult, considering Winthrop weighed over two hundred and fifty pounds.”

“The carrying wasn’t that hard. It was putting him down at every stroke, then picking him up again that wore me out.”

Joke of the Day

In church on Sunday, I overheard the little old lady in the pew next to me saying a short private prayer.

It was so sweet and sincere that I just
had to share it with you:

Dear Lord,

These past couple of years have been tough…. You have taken my favorite
Actor, Patrick Swayze.

You’ve taken my favorite actress, Elizabeth Taylor and my favorite cowboy James Arness.

You’ve taken my favorite athlete Bob Feller, my favorite singer Lena Horne and my favorite salesman Billy Mays.

I just wanted you to know that my

favorite president is…

Barack Obama.