Gotta Laugh

I don’t care who you are, this is funny!

A little Muslim kid, crying, can’t find his mother in the supermarket.

The store attendant says ‘What does your mother look like?’

The kid says “How the f— would I know?!?!?!?!?”;

Why I’m Depressed

 

 

Why I’m Depressed

Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel , “Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land.”

Nearly 75 years ago, (when Welfare was introduced) Roosevelt said, “Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land.”

Today, the government has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of Camels and mortgaged the Promised Land!

I was so depressed last night thinking about Health Care Plans, the economy, the wars, lost jobs, savings, Social Security, retirement funds, and everything…

I called a Suicide Hotline. I had to press 1 for English.

I was connected to a call center…in Pakistan . I told them I was suicidal. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

(Unknown Author)

Funny Stuff

 

AN ATHEIST AND LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE  
  
An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and  
He turned to her and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker  
If you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”  
  
The little girl, who had just started to read her book,
Replied to the total stranger, “What would you want to talk about?”
 
“Oh, I don’t know,” said the atheist. “How about why there is
No God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?”
as he smiled Smugly.
 
 
“OK,” she said. “Those could be interesting topics but let me
Ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same
Stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns
Out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps.
Why do you suppose that Is?”
 
 
The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl’s
Intelligence thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”
To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified
To discuss why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after
Death, when you don’t know shit?”
And then she went back to reading her book.