Joke du Jour

At a nearby University, there were four students enrolled in the same class.

They did so well on all the quizzes, midterms and labs, etc., that each had an “A” so far for the semester.

These four friends were so confident, that the weekend before finals, they decided to take a road trip to another college and party with some friends there. They had a great time. However, after all the hard partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn’t make it back to their school until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the test and explain to him why they missed it.

They explained that they had gone to the other school for the weekend with the plan to return Sunday to study, but unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn’t have a spare, and couldn’t get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final.

The Professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and relieved. They studied all night and went in the next day, fully prepared, at the time the professor specified.

He placed the 4 in separate rooms, handed each of the students a test booklet and told them to begin.

They looked at the first problem, worth 5 points. It was something simple. “Cool”, they all thought, “this is going to be easy.”

Each finished the problem and then turned the page. On the second page was written: For 95 points: Which tire?

Joke of the Day

One Halloween night a woman opens her door to find the most adorable little girl, with golden blond curly hair and the biggest blue eyes.

She was dressed as an Angel, and was just delightful. The woman said, “what are you supposed to say sweetheart?”

The little girl looks up at the woman and says, “Twick or Tweat!”

The woman thinks this is just adorable, and she calls her husband to come to the door. The woman says to the child, “Go ahead honey, say it just one more time.”

Once again the little Angel looks up and says, “Twick or Tweat!”

The husband agrees with his wife, this little Angel is just the cutest thing. The woman picks an apple from the Treat Bowl, shines it up with her apron, and drops it into the little girl’s Treat Bag.

The little Angel looks in her bag then looks up at the woman and says, “Thanks a lot lady, you just broke my damn cookies!”

Joke of the Day

A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween Party. He doesn’t know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg, So he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.

A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate’s outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and,with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
——————
The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk’s costume. The long robe will cover your Wooden leg and, with your bald head, you should really look the part.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head, so again he writes the Company another nasty letter of complaint.

The next day he gets a small Parcel and a note, which reads:

Dear Sir,
We have TRIED our very BEST.
Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts.
Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts, stick your Wooden Leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

Attribution: Bev

Joke of the Day

It was autumn, and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild.

Since he was the new Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he couldn’t tell what the weather was going to be.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared.

But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He secretly called the National Weather Service and asked, “Is the coming winter going to be cold?”

“It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed,” the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared.

A week later he called the National Weather Service again. “Is it still going to be a very cold winter?”

“Yes,” the man at National Weather Service again replied, “it’s going to be a very cold winter.”

The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find. Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again.

“Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?”
“Absolutely,” the man replied. “It’s going to be one of the coldest winters ever.”

“How can you be so sure?” the Chief asked.

The weatherman replied, “The Indians are collecting wood like crazy!”

Joke of the Day

Three blondes were taking a walk in the country when they came upon a line of tracks. The first blonde said, “Those must be deer tracks”!

The second blonde said, “No, stupid, anyone can tell those are rabbit tracks”! The third blondie said, “No, you idiots, those are horse tracks!”

They where still arguing 10 minutes later when a train hit them.

Joke of the Day

Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, “You see that Indian?”

“Yeah,” says the other cowboy.

“Look,” says the first one, “He’s listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction.”

Just then the Indian looks up. “Covered wagon,” he says, “about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon.”

“Incredible!” says the cowboy to his friend. “How does this Indian know how far away they are, how many horses, what color they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon? Amazing!”

The Indian looks up and says, “Ran me over about a half hour ago.”

Joke of the Day

Ok, I thought this funny altough COMPLETELY untrue.


A family went to a hospital, where one of their relatives would be having a brain transplant.

One of the relatives asked, “What will the cost of a new brain be?” The doctor replied, “A female brain costs $25,000 and a male brain costs $50,000.”

The men smirked, but one of the females asked, “Why is that, doctor?” “Well,” the doctor replied,” the female brain is less because it has been used.”

Joke du Jour

It all began with an iPhone…

March was when our son celebrated his 17th birthday, and we got him an iPhone. He just loved it. Who wouldn’t?

I celebrated my birthday in July, and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad.

Our daughter’s birthday was in August so we got her an iPod Touch.

My wife celebrated her birthday in September so I got her an iRon.

It was around then that the fight started…

What my wife failed to recognize is that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean.

This inevitably activates the iNag reminder service.

I should be out of the hospital next week!!

Attribution: Karen

Joke of the Day

Cash, check or charge?” the cashier asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

As the woman fumbled for her wallet, the cashier noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

“Do you always carry your TV remote?” the cashier asked.

“No,” she replied. “But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him.”

Joke of the Day

This duck walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk, “Do you have any grapes?”

The clerk says no, and the duck leaves. The next day, the duck returns and asks, “Do you have any grapes?” The clerk again says no, and the duck leaves.

The day after that, the duck walks in the store again and asks “Do you have any grapes?” The clerk screams at the duck, “You’ve come in here the past two days and asked if we had any grapes. I’ve told you no, every time. We don’t have any grapes!

I swear if you come back in here again, and ask for grapes, I’ll nail your webbed feet to the floor!!” The duck left, and returned the next day. This time he asked, “Do you have any nails?”

The clerk replied, “No,” and the duck said, “Good! Got any grapes?”